Why I Write BDSM

I find the aspect of BDSM intriguing. I enjoy reading it, so it would follow I enjoy writing it. This lifestyle and subculture has many complexities and is often criticized and misunderstood. There’s a level of intensity between characters in these stories that isn’t usually found in typical vanilla romance. When I first decided to incorporate elements of BDSM and later write a full story, I have to admit I was intimidated.

Had I read enough? Did I understand the dynamics well enough to portray the characters accurately? And couples as loving, caring people? Through recommendations from well-known authors of this subgenre like Joey W. Hill, Ann Jacobs, Maria Isabel Pita, Marilyn Jaye Lewis, the 1-800-DOM-help series authors and many others, I’ve acquired quite a library of BDSM non-fiction and fiction books.

The emotional, physical and psychological areas in a BDSM relationship can create problems and conflicts such as insecurities, jealousy, dependency issues, fear of abandonment, physical injuries, etc. Some of these issues may also cause conflict in a traditional romance but not to the same degree. These difficulties provide lots of interesting ideas for stories. Imagine the level of trust involved when a character first allows a new lover to tie him up? Or uses a whip, or performs some other element of pain and/or pleasure.

In this kind of power exchange activity, communication and trust is essential. Of course you don’t have to be involved in this lifestyle to enjoy reading or writing it. I believe most of us are voyeurs at heart and curious about the dynamics of Domination and submission, Sadism and Masochism, bondage and discipline. We want to experience it, if only through our fantasies and through the eyes of the characters in the book. Even if we have no desire to ever feel the sting of a flogger.

Writing BDSM fiction has been a writer’s journey for me, talking with authors who write in the genre, reading non-fiction and fiction books. There certainly is an ‘edge’ to these stories that I like and writing them well is not easy. I’ve enjoyed reading all of the 1-800-DOM-help books. There’s a similar thread that these books share but each author has taken a very unique twist. Each one explored a different area of the lifestyle too. All of them great reads!

A well-crafted BDSM scene is an adrenaline rush, euphoric, and arousing for the reader and the writer. Author Susie Bright in her non-fiction book “How to Write a Dirty Story” says that once you’ve hit your zone and you’re writing the perfect erotic scene, it’s like, “an orgasmic cocktail.”

By Kathy Kulig

http://www.kathykulig.blogspot.com

POETRY - JOURNEYS TO THE HEART

I was thinking this morning about what might convey the feeling, intensity or personal meaning of BDSM in a way that is accessible for those not in the lifestyle. The word "poetry" popped into my mind. As a writer I've dabbled in my own poetry (admittedly stone-age quality) to explore emotion. I decided to do a quick search on the web for BDSM or D/s poetry links. Here's what I got. Check it out.

DsCulture

#submission efnet bdsm chat

leathernroses

Poetry, like prose, touches the soul in a way that dry description cannot. It is a window to our inner playground. I hope to spend some time in the future creating my own D/s poetry. Here's to future projects!

Safe, sane and consensual,
Michelle

Fighting for Control Update

I'm so excited to announce I'm in edits for Fighting for Control and may have a release date to announce soon! In the meantime, here's a sample to whet your appetitite:

The golden god—Brad, she was certain—moved behind her and she twisted to see what he was doing. He stood at the table with the toys on it, but she couldn’t turn far enough to tell what he was up to. She heard him shift something around, and then he approached, standing so close she felt his breath on her shoulders.

“You want to learn if someone can fill your needs without being asked, right?” he said.

“Yes, Master C.”

“Be free to enjoy an evening without planning it all yourself?”

“Yes Master.” He was describing her wants practically word for word from her list. Hearing him speak them aloud made her understand submission as Mistress Marla described it. Lori wasn’t bending to someone else’s desires, she was looking for someone who matched her needs. Finding the man who wanted what she was willing to give, and who was willing to give in return.

“Tonight is not about taking orders, being told what to do. It’s about not giving orders. Do you understand the difference?” Marc, Master Q, asked.

“Yes Sir.”

“Tell me the difference.”

“I’m not going to tell you what I want you to do. I’m going to trust that I’ll be satisfied by what you decide to do.”

“Very good.”

Something as soft as a whisper brushed across her shoulders and she gasped. What a sensation, like butterfly kisses flitting across her skin. Master C swept the tool back and forth on her upper back. His gravelly voice heated her insides. “Pleasure comes in many ways. The entire body is a sex organ if you let it be. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling of the feather.”

She did. The feather stroked down her shoulder and up her raised arm, and returned to repeat the trip on the other arm. A wake of gooseflesh flowed outward from the touch. He circled her, moving to her chest—first the flat upper part, then skirting the slopes pushed up by the bustier. Her nipples tightened as her areolas wrinkled, the rest of her breasts swelling. The leather top grew uncomfortable as she filled the cups completely. Automatically she tugged her right arm to reach for the zipper, wanting to feel the feather on the rest of her breasts.

Realization that she wanted to bare her breasts to Brad made her freeze. She tried to put him out of her mind and focus again on the feather.

“Stop fighting it. That won’t get you anywhere. Relax and let us work. For now, just feel. Do you like it?”

“Yes Sir.” She wasn’t sure who spoke, since she still had her eyes closed. It sounded more like Marc's buttery-smooth tones. Both men orbited continuously around her. She heard their shoes squeak on the floor, became aware of their shifting energy, but only one continued to touch her, if only through the feather.

That changed when the constraint of her bustier released as the zipper lowered. Sucking in her stomach, she straightened. The need building in her from the feather on her chest evaporated at the thought of being seen by both men. She licked her lips to keep from speaking.

The bustier fell away and the men’s breathing audibly altered. The shorter, faster breaths made her feel sexy. They liked what they saw. Could she open her eyes yet? She needed to see their reactions.

Braving punishment, she blinked. Neither man was in front of her. She bit her lower lip. So much for her ego. No one was looking at her breasts. She twisted again to see what they were doing.

“Pleasure can be reached by many routes,” said Brad as he walked around and stood in front of her.

***

In the true spirit of torture, I mean, anticipation, I leave you here and get back to my edits. Enjoy!

Flogging for fun

While doing research for today’s blog I came across a very interesting web site called Flogging for Fun. I thought I’d share some of the interesting info with you. Just in case. Ya know?

Flogging and being flogged can be intensely erotically stimulating. For the Top (Dominant partner), it can be about power, but it can also be about giving a sensually superior sensation to the bottom (submissive partner). For the bottom (submissive partner), flogging can be about the pain, but for many of 'us', it is about the enormous endorphin rush we get coupled with the concept of kink, or the erotic connection between partners, due to increased sensitivity and acceptance of erotic stimuli. The truth about flogging is that there are as many reasons for the joys as there are individuals practicing it!

Choosing Your Flogger (the implement)

Floggers should be carefully selected for the sensation or level of sensation it provides. If you are not into pain, select your flogger for the softness and pliability of the falls. Generally, the thicker the falls, the thuddier the flogger will be, and conversely, the thinner the falls, the stingier.

While for many people, their bottom is the absolute favorite area to receive the flogger's caress, many of us also enjoy breasts, thighs, upper (muscle padded) back, genitals, and the soles of our feet (called Bastinado, and ONLY done with extreme caution).

Choosing Your Flogger (the person doing the flogging)

Unless you know someone who is an experienced flogger, the best thing to do is attend a flogging workshop, instructed by reputable, experienced floggers, before even thinking about flogging a live human. These 'demos' are often held regularly at local dungeons or bdsm community gatherings. And you never know what interesting people you might meet!

You should practice on an inanimate object, such as a pillow or cushion bolster. Place the pillow on a chair or stool approximately the height of the 'submissive subject's' bottom, and for starters, concentrate ONLY on the buttocks while learning to 'throw' the flogger properly and safely. Another idea is to pin a pillow to a wire coat hanger and hang that from a doorknob, to practice stroking an upright human being with varying stroke intensities and rhythms. A damp paper towel or tissue can be a great gauge of your control after you have practiced some on strike zones and aim.

If you do it right, your submissive will be begging for more!

Hope this helps a little and…happy flogging!!!

Woefully Overdue Report on Romanticon and Ass-Smacking (UPDATED)

Yes, I know. The 1-800-DOM-help authors have been back from Romanticon for over a week now and we have yet to report back to our faithful readers on the success of our conference presentation, Del Dryden's ass-smacking experience, or any other kinky, naughty antics from the event. I will hang my head in shame for the collective group. In attendance at the event were: me (Michelle Polaris), Christine d'Abo, Delphine Dryden, Francesca Hawley, Desiree Holt, Kathy Kulig, Delilah Devlin, and Allie Standifer. Samantha Cayto was also at the conference, but arrived too late for the presentation.

And I might as well admit right now that I have no photos from our group presentation which we lovingly entitled BDSM from Top to Bottom. There are many amazing and tantalizing photos from Romanticon floating around the web so I'm sure you can find something to sate your appetite. If any other group members captured a photo during our seminar please feel free to chime in and post it.

ATTENTION: REVISION ALERT!!! I do indeed have a seminar picture thanks to the lovely Cris Anson (www.crisanson.com) who heard my plea and sent an image she captured at our event.

Here is the lovely Delphine Dryden bent over the chair allowing me (far left in the red shirt, skirt and boots) to smack her ass. The green and black stranded flogger (soft leather) is mid-swing if you can spot it. In the background to the left is Desiree Holt also snapping a picture so I know at least one other exists.

And here's the same unrelated random conference pic for good measure before moving on with things.

The photo is of a couple of the EC Cave Men having fun with the pole dancers who entertained at the Sexporium/Book Signing on the Sunday of the conference. The dancers were amazing sliding up and down that pole and the guys felt obligated to jump in afterward and try their manliness out on the metal rod. Turns out its harder than it looks. And if you'd kindly disregard those sexual puns I can move on with the subject matter.

The 1-800 seminar.

Short version. It went well.

Longer version. Del Dryden was a very good sport as I tried my hand in a flogging demo in front of the seminar crowd. Her ass and shoulders got a good dose of my leather flogger while both of us chatted with the crowd, answering questions about the experience and other BDSM lifestyle issues. Del did indeed report the experience left her feeling relaxed. The flogging was the grand finale after my earlier presentation on various roles in the lifestyle and how the BDSM portrayed in our fiction stacks up to real life. After that serious note, Allie Standifer gave a rather amusing and fascinating description of her trip to a BDSM club last spring during the RT convention in Los Angeles. You might have read about her trip on our blog a few months ago. Francesca Hawley passed out an awesome list of research resources for audience members who wanted to know more about BDSM for writing or personal interests. And finally, we finished with the flogging.

The one disappointment is that we ran out of time to play the amazing BDSM Jeopardy game that Kathy Kulig created for the occasion. Despite no winning contestant we did pick a random name from seminar attendees to win the kinky gift basket we had prepared.
We are holding the game in reserve for next year's Romanticon, so register and show up to  compete using all of your BDSM expertise.

People attended our presentation for a variety of reasons. Some came because they want to write BDSM romance fiction. Some were simply curious to learn more about the lifestyle, and enjoy reading kinky erotic romance although it is not their personal thing. And others because they had genuine questions about the experience from their own interest in exploring this alternative lifestyle choice. I love that about Romanticon. It's a place where it's fine to discuss all sorts of sexuality, to be interested in reading about it, writing it, and to acknowledge, if one is comfortable, ones own personal sexual leanings. Or not. It's all good.

On a positive note, the new 1-800-DOM-help anthology, Dial B for Bondage, including stories from Kathy Kulig, Delilah Devlin, Francesca Hawley and Samantha Cayto, sold remarkably well at the Book Signing. Look for more anthologies from our series in the future.

In short, Romanticon was a blast. Join us next year.

Safe, sane and consensual,
Michelle