The Quick ABCs of BDSM

I can’t remember what it was that first lured me into the world of BDSM. Five years ago I barely even knew it existed. And now? I find it dominates (pardon the pun) both my reading and writing. I think what turned me onto it was reading a beautifully erotic love story in which the lifestyle was the main focus. All I know is I became totally fascinated with it, wanted to write about, but realized how little I knew about it. And as I read email from my readers and talk to people, I realize so many people don’t really understand what it’s all about.
So what is it, really? Good question! It can mean bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D/s), or sadomasochism (S&M) There are more definitions for each of those words than Baskin-Robbins has flavors. In fact, there are as many meanings as there are people trying to tell you what it all means.
Despite a common misunderstanding, this alternate form of sexuality has nothing to do with destructive behavior. A 'D' (dominant, top, sadist, master/mistress) person simply wants to dominate in sex while the "s" (submissive, bottom, masochist, slave) person often wants to be stripped of any initiative. You can be both, or either, switching roles as part of your play or swapping 'sides' over time.
But most commonly it means sex involving Dominance and submission. And the D is always capitalized. Activities range from spanking to bondage to tickling to "flogging" or whipping. The people involved set their own limits. The three most common words are safe, sane and consensual.
But the most important element is trust. Openness and trust, meaning communication, are absolute musts in a BDSM relationship. Bondage covers everything from soft silk scarves in bed to chains. Spanking and whipping are just as common but the degree to which these activities is carried out varies greatly. The imagination and feelings of the partners before and after the punishment are just as important as the spanking or whipping itself.
Experimentation allows each partner to discover the most arousing edge of pleasure/pain. For the submissive acceptance of the D is a sign of absolute faith in that person and it is the very foundation of affection, intimacy and passion. Openness and trust clear the ground for activating your fantasies. This in turn heightens intimacy, passion and ecstasy. The submissive always has a safe word, and when the Dom or Domme pushes the limits beyond that the safe word is a big red light.
A very important aspect of "after-play", which many people don’t realize, is aftercare. Emotions run wild for both partners and that is the time to solidify the trust. It’s a good time for mutual holding and soothing. I can’t stress enough how important talk and communication is, but allow some time to pass for emotions to settle.
So whether you read about it, play at it or adopt the full lifestyle, one last reminder here. The four most important words are trust, safe, sane and consensual. Remember that and you will find pleasure in a brand new erotic world.