Fighting for Control

So, did I happen to mention that Fighting for Control is out now? I know, I know, bad author! I'd suggest flogging me but I might enjoy it too much and not get back to writing!

Speaking of enjoying, this book has gotten some nice reviews! Angela at Sizzling Hot Book Reviews gave it 4 hearts!

Amy at the Romance Studio also gave it 4 hearts.

I am so tickled they liked it, and I got such a kick reading the book through their comments. There's a gift you can give all your favorite authors for the holidays - leave a review on Goodreads or the site where you bought the book. That's the best part of writing (next to royalty checks, of course!), hearing from the readers who enjoy your books.

Happy Holidays to you all! May Santa leave you a naughty toy or two, and a sexy playmate to enjoy it with. I wish you all a safe holiday.

BDSM Book Reviews

Looking for one concentrated place to find good kinky books? There's a fairly newish review site out there specializing in reviews for BDSM books. BDSM Book Reviews. The reviewers themselves are kinky folks, so you know they're interested in these stories.

Okay, I'm particularly partial to this new site because they've just reviewed Fettered Love and given it 4 out of 5 Paddles. (Thank you Michele) But in this day and age of fragmented attention and a bazillion places to look for the perfect reading material, it helps to have a dedicated place to go if you crave one particular sub-genre.

Here's a snippet from my review:

"I enjoyed this story and the characters had depth and dimension. The depth that Kirk and Evan's love is consuming in and out of the dungeon. The BDSM scenes are descriptive and intense, but rational for the intensity supported throughout the story."

Several other stories in our 1-800 series have been reviewed at this site (Emerald Dungeon by Kathy Kulig and Needing Harte by Marilu Mann) so check them out. Who knows, maybe a few more of our books have slipped in without me knowing.

Take care and happy reading.

Safe, sane and consensual,
Michelle

The ABCs of BDSM

More and more erotic romances today deal with the world of BDSM, an acronym that represents bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism. But the “life” has a glossary of terms all t’s own, so today I thought I’d let you in on what a few of them mean. A kind of roadmap for you to use the next time you read a BDSM romance.

BDSM is an acronym for bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism.

D/s (Dominance and submission) includes master and slave role-playing scenarios.

Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality.

Black sheet party: An orgy for people into BDSM sex.

Bondage: Acts involving the physical restraint of a partner. Bondage typically refers to total restraint, however it can be limited to a particular body part, such as breast bondage.

Bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the do-er.

Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub's service, or the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).

DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who supervises the interactions between participants at a play party or dungeons to enforce house rules - essentially, the bouncer of a BDSM event. They sometimes also play cruise director to keep/get the party going.

Dominant” A person who exercises control - contrast with submissive

Domme: Woman who exercises control.

Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space

Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.

Fire play: Creative uses of heat.

Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a "vanilla" place in street-appropriate attire. Sometimes this is a club.

Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes.

Safe, sane and consensual - (SSC) a credo used by some BDSM practitioners to determine the appropriateness of BDSM play.

Safeword - A codeword a bottom can use to force BDSM activity to stop - used especially in scenes which may involve consensual force.

Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub (or bottom) gets during a scene or when being controlled. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that a Dom(me)/top take responsibility for the sub/bottom and be aware of their sub's wellbeing if they are in subspace.

switch: Someone who likes being both top and bottom, either in one scene or on different occasions.

Topping from the bottom: A bottom who purports to be a submissive but who nonetheless wants to direct the top.

TPE or Total power exchange: a relationship where the dominant or owner has complete authority and influence over the submissive's life, making the majority of decisions.

Be sure to check out the entire 1-800-DOMHelp series. And visit my web site at www.desireeholt.com.

BDSM Sayings

The following eleven "sayings" appear as written in Jay Wiseman's classic text, SM101. All credit goes to Jay and his noted sources. As an introduction to the wild, woolly world of BDSM, there's a lot of wisdom in these nuggets of advice. Here's the list:

1. You almost never get into serious trouble by going too slowly.
2. SM is something you do with someone, not something you do to someone.
3. If it's going to go bad, it usually goes bad in isolation.
4. Introduce one new thing at a time, preferably only one new thing during a session.
5. If you want to know what they're into, watch their eyes. They can't fake the eyes.
6. Harder is not necessarily better. Faster is not necessarily better. More often is not necessarily better. More elaborate is not necessarily better. More expensive is not necessarily better.
7. Beware the trap of over-eagerness.
8. Think with your head.
9. How someone will react to erotic bondage is one thing. How they will react to erotic submission is a second, separate reaction. How they will react to erotic pain in a third.
10. Experience it yourself before you do it to someone else.
11. If you want to know what you're into, take a close look at what you're fantasizing about just before you come while masturbating.

There are more nuggets like these from Jay on the list, but I didn't want to overwhelm.

Why I Write BDSM

I find the aspect of BDSM intriguing. I enjoy reading it, so it would follow I enjoy writing it. This lifestyle and subculture has many complexities and is often criticized and misunderstood. There’s a level of intensity between characters in these stories that isn’t usually found in typical vanilla romance. When I first decided to incorporate elements of BDSM and later write a full story, I have to admit I was intimidated.

Had I read enough? Did I understand the dynamics well enough to portray the characters accurately? And couples as loving, caring people? Through recommendations from well-known authors of this subgenre like Joey W. Hill, Ann Jacobs, Maria Isabel Pita, Marilyn Jaye Lewis, the 1-800-DOM-help series authors and many others, I’ve acquired quite a library of BDSM non-fiction and fiction books.

The emotional, physical and psychological areas in a BDSM relationship can create problems and conflicts such as insecurities, jealousy, dependency issues, fear of abandonment, physical injuries, etc. Some of these issues may also cause conflict in a traditional romance but not to the same degree. These difficulties provide lots of interesting ideas for stories. Imagine the level of trust involved when a character first allows a new lover to tie him up? Or uses a whip, or performs some other element of pain and/or pleasure.

In this kind of power exchange activity, communication and trust is essential. Of course you don’t have to be involved in this lifestyle to enjoy reading or writing it. I believe most of us are voyeurs at heart and curious about the dynamics of Domination and submission, Sadism and Masochism, bondage and discipline. We want to experience it, if only through our fantasies and through the eyes of the characters in the book. Even if we have no desire to ever feel the sting of a flogger.

Writing BDSM fiction has been a writer’s journey for me, talking with authors who write in the genre, reading non-fiction and fiction books. There certainly is an ‘edge’ to these stories that I like and writing them well is not easy. I’ve enjoyed reading all of the 1-800-DOM-help books. There’s a similar thread that these books share but each author has taken a very unique twist. Each one explored a different area of the lifestyle too. All of them great reads!

A well-crafted BDSM scene is an adrenaline rush, euphoric, and arousing for the reader and the writer. Author Susie Bright in her non-fiction book “How to Write a Dirty Story” says that once you’ve hit your zone and you’re writing the perfect erotic scene, it’s like, “an orgasmic cocktail.”

By Kathy Kulig

http://www.kathykulig.blogspot.com