Can an Alpha male be submissive?

Does an Alpha male truly lose control and power if he submits?

I got a chuckle out of Del's post here. I don't feel like a whip wielding she-wolf in boots and a corset. LOL

As I write Leather Becomes Her, my story is of a dominant woman meeting her submissive, but the submissive hero in the book is NOT a beta. My question is, can a man who is Alpha be submissive? Does submission change his role from Alpha to beta?


Alpha men can be macho to the world. You'd be surprised at how the power wielding men of society prefer to be brought down in private by submitting. (And some PAY professional Dominants to do it. It has nothing to do with sex, just submission.) They aren't less Alpha for doing it; their ability to submit makes them stronger. Imagine the lawyer in court fighting a hard case, arguing for his client, butting heads with judges, lawyers, police, etc. Every day, all day, long hours into late nights, week in and week out. They aren't out to please anyone. They want their way in all things. Win, win, win. These are men of sheer power and dominance--total Alpha males. Many times what does this kind of man wish for in private? Release. The joy of not making any decisions. Letting someone else take control and use him so he can relax. His only desire--to please a dominant figure (in my example, a Mistress).

So does submitting make an Alpha role switch to beta? (Urban Dictionary defines beta male as "An unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.")

I don't think submission makes an Alpha man weak. I know quite a few Alpha personalities, men and women, who enjoy submission. Submission doesn't make one weak. It takes a lot of strength to let go taboos, outward appearances and expectations.

Imagine the lawyer again, all conservative looking...strip off his outer layers (suit) and bare him naked. What do you see? Toned muscles? Tattoos? (Okay, my personal preference there...ahem.) He still looks macho yet he immediately feels vulnerable. Does he want to run? Yes. Will he? No. Why? Because he has strength to keep him there as his Mistress desires. His urge to please Her overwhelms everything else. He will take whatever She desires--whip to the back, spanking over the knee, bondage, clothespins to the cock and balls, cleaning her house, licking her feet, etc. He doesn't say no. He doesn't shove Her away. He wants to please Her. That takes strength!

Once his service is complete, he is once again in control. Wait? Did he really lose control? He was controlled by Her, but he had a choice. He remained subservient. Did he have to? No. Isn't his choice to remain at her feet really just internal control as opposed to external?

He was released from his worldy responsibilities and outer appearance as the dominant male of power. His external control was stripped away like the clothes from his body, however, he internalized his power and strength to serve his Mistress, whatever her desire.

So, in my opinion, an Alpha male remains Alpha. He never loses strength or control, he merely changes the focus from outward power and strength in succeeding (money, career, education, etc) to internal control from running away like a coward.

The pervasion of perversion

...meh. You're pretty but I just
don't want to do you.
Or even whip you or whatever.

(pic from Male Submission Art)

Much as I enjoy Mari's and Michelle's posts, I do find it interesting how many Dommes are flying their freak flags here at 1-800-DOM-help. My own wiring being quite the other way, I've been trying recently to figure out the Domme mindset and I think it just comes to this: to me, submissive men may be cute, may be adorable, may make me want to pinch their cheeks and rumple their hair a little...but I just don't want to have sex with them. Submissive girls either. Sorry ladies, I tried. On the other hand I am cheerfully queer for dominant gals, because it's the Dom-ness, not the equipment downstairs, that matters.

On the other hand,
yes please.

I got to thinking about this wiring thing while reading a mainstream review of a mainstream romance the other day, when the (I'm assuming vanilla) reviewer complained that the hero was neither Alpha nor beta. This cracked me up because let's face it, outside the bdsm world, most men aren't either of those things. They're just guys, they like to have sex, they might have some habits that tend one direction or the other but they're mostly just in the middle. And in the vanilla romance novel world, until recently, the only acceptable flavor for heroes seemed to be Alpha. Lately I've seen more beta heroes, and I wonder if this increase isn't somehow related to the influx of Dommes on the kinky romance side of things. Not so much causally related, but part of the same move toward accepting the full range of possibility when it comes to sexual preference. Because the horizons are opening up in Romancelandia, there's just a bit more of something for everyone out there. I find that awesome.

Even though this does result in vanilla reviewers giving us some WTF reviews, I can't complain.

Seriously though, y'all...where are the other subs? Because lately I feel a bit like the only lamb in a room full of (incredibly sexy, corseted, whip-wielding) wolves (in killer black boots). A potentially very, very happy lamb, mind you...but a little backup would be nice.

Hey, wait a minute...did somebody gag all the other subs? *attempts a stern glare*

Excerpt from Mari

I am late in posting but I was out all day...at a water park. I got a little burned. I am unsure why, I put on SPF 50 BananaBoat. The cheap Walmart brand never failed like this. It's quite sad really.

Not sure what to post today (late) other than a short excerpt of my 1-800-DOM-help novella. Enjoy!

“You are such a bad girl, Jasmine. You best beg Mistress to forgive you for your latest discretion,” The Domme said as the girl began to kiss her booted toes. “I can't believe you kept what you were doing from me, your Mistress, your owner. You disrespected me and you deserve to be punished.”

“I'm so sorry Mistress Kim. I didn't mean to disrespect you. I wasn't thinking. Please Mistress.”

Mistress Kim stood over her slave groveling before her. She stood firm a moment, her hands upon her hips in a very powerful position. None would question her control, her command.

Daphne smiled taking note of the woman's stance. Watching will definitely help her onto the path of becoming a Domme. She definitely liked the control, the power over another. She could see slave Keith shaking in his bonds, waiting for her command to find his release as she pumped his cock with her hand. Oh hell yeah, that sounded delicious.

She turned her gaze to her temporary slave. He watched the Domme in the other room order her slave to stand against the St. Andrews Cross, her ass presented to her Mistress. He inhaled sharply when the Domme ran her gloved hand over her slaves backside then smacked her on the buttock with a low chuckle.

“This excite you, boy?” Daphne asked as she continued to stroke his hair.

“Yes Mistress,” he said without hesitation if not a bit breathless.

“And what about this excites you?”

He gulped then answered, “I wish that was me tied to the cross...and you smacking my ass.”

A surge of heated desire flowed through her. Her clit pulsed and wetness drenched her pussy at his answer. God, she wanted to tie him up and whip his shoulders and smack his ass, then release him just to toss him down onto the bed and ride his young hard cock until she climaxed several times. Instead she smiled and tightened her fingers in his hair and tilted his head upward. “I want to do that and more to you, boy. How does that make you feel?”

His gray eyes were hot with excitement and interest. “It...it makes me feel like surrendering to you, Mistress.”

She stared at him a moment then lowered her face to his and kissed him.

Within her mind, she already took possession, and against his lips she whispered her promise, “Tonight you're mine, slutboy. All mine.”

Copyright © 2011 Marianne LaCroix.

Music to Play By

I don't think I ever mentioned my experience in a dungeon out in LA while attending the RT conference. I didn't get to play, more's the pity, but I did observe lots of wonderful play by other people. I was particularly impressed by some fire play by a Dom. Anyway, while there is much about the night I could share because it was all great, there were a few minutes at the beginning of the evening that is particularly memorable. As I sat in the main room, watching a couple of Dommes (one obviously a professional) working on their respective men, the overhead music started playing Numb by Linkin Park. Now, I happen to love that song, both the original and the Encore version with Jay-Z. I even had it as my ring tone for a long time. I have always found music to be very evocative. A good piece will send me soaring emotionally in ways I cannot express. The experience of hearing a song I love with the back beat of floggers and paddles hitting flesh - well, I don't have words. I really don't, but I will never forget it. Setting a mood for play is important and music can be a big part of that. I don't think I realized how big a part until that night.

Mari poses for a BDSM themed photo shoot (preview)

Mari being Domme. LOL Don't push me or I will whip the crap out of you, boy.

 That's right, cross me. I dare you.

Yes, I know. I got boobage. LOL

More images to come from a photo shoot done in Tallahassee on 6-22-2011 by Mika Fowler. Images used with permission.

No copying allowed without permission!

Lock up that cock

I'm at work on my 1-800-DOM-help novella which I call Leather Becomes Her. I hope to get it done in the next few weeks. It was a slow start but I have been writing up a storm for the past few days. I'm in a groove with it.

In the synopsis of the story there is a BDSM device used which is sort of pivotal to the story: a Gates of Hell. Actually it is much more specific, a locking Gates of Hell. I was told by a Domme friend there was no such thing. Oh I beg to differ. Below is a 5 Gates of Hell. Pretty basic in structure...not locking. Gates of hell can also have rubber rings or leather straps and can vary in the number of gates from 3 to 7. Personally I think the funniest part is the D ring for a leash attachment. Heh.

Now take a look at a locking Gates of Hell: 

Pretty intimidating isn't it? And you thought the regular one looked uncomfortable. This one can be worn for hours...days. This is the locking Gates of Hell...the kind I am using in my current 1-800-DOM-help novella. Intrigued? LOL

What is a Gates of Hell used for? Well obviously it is a chastity device. Use can range for a session to hours to days. Chastity is a powerful tool in controlling a submissive man. Tease him, he gets hard but can't obtain a full erection while wearing the device. Try torturing him for a while and see how submissive he can become. Some Dommes use chastity like this to make sure their subs don't do any self pleasuring without permission. (All about control!) Can you imagine a house slave boy naked except for this while cleaning your bathroom? (Damn, I wish!)

Do submissive men want this contraption on their cock? Yeah, a lot of them do. Believe it. They love the idea of their cock owned by a Mistress. Only she can release him. Only she holds the key. Very much a power play here. For a true submissive man the humiliation alone is a huge turn on. He's slapped into a Gates of Hell as soon as he walks into his Mistress's presence, wondering if he will be released once she is through using him as her toy. Wouldn't it be a pity if he was used, all excited and wanting to come and then denied release from the Gates? (hahahaha)

No, I do not own a locking Gates of Hell. It is for the book, people. It is a big reason why I am liking writing BDSM anymore, I can use a piece of equipment like this to enhance the story and intensity of emotions between the hero and heroine. Besides, it makes me laugh as I write. Yes, I do have a sadistic streak.


Marianne LaCroix
www.mariannelacroix.com
http://mariannelacroix.blogspot.com

*This post appeared originally on my blog.

Fantasy Domme

Saturday I was very excited to have my swag for the Romantic Times conference delivered. I found these adorable fetish key chains. They have mini floggers or paddles on them and I hope they will be a big hit with a certain crowd of the attendees(or maybe just the curious). I was not surprised by the picture on the cover of the box they came in, but I was annoyed by it. It obviously was designed with the straight non-sub guy in mind. The woman is a sex kitten kind of fantasy Domme, hardly the way I look or the way any Domme I know looks. It’s a variation of the schizophrenic way that many men view women anyway – the virgin whore. What they picture is a Domme who looks the way they picture a sub. There’s no power in the image. It’s certainly not what a true male sub is looking for. Oh, well, the world is run by straight, non-fetish men.

The key chains are still adorable.

Sam

Power Dynamics of the Male Stripper

Last night I went to a strip club as I do whenever I am out of town and looking for a little fun. As it happens, I was in San Antonio visiting Desiree Holt and Allie Standifer. I dragged Allie to a few hours of sin and sitting there watching the guys on stage and how the women in the club interacted with them, we remarked on the dynamics. Strippers by trade are providing a service, a pretty show to arouse the women in the audience. One of the things I love about strip clubs is how as a Domme I can exercise a little control over a sexy boy without breaking a sweat or breaking my marriage vows. My dear husband knows well how hot and bothered I am after my clubbing experiences. I get some fun; he gets some hot sex.

When I pay a stripper for a lap dance, it's a power play. I know that he's going to do what pleases me (within limits, of course) because I am paying him to do so. I'm okay with the obvious exchange of consideration. I know most women like the fantasy of these guys being hot for them. I know that's not true and I don't want it to be. I want to be in control. I need to be in control. You all know that about me by now.

Here's the thing, male strippers are very alpha male on the stage and during the lap dance. They direct the women's hands and position. I'm sure much of that is to make sure the women have fun and come back for more. I'm content to let him take the reins because it's his body and I understand the idea of consensual. I don't want to touch him in any way or any place that he doesn't want. So I let them take the lead. I give him that control for reasons that are probably not the same as other women.

I know, however, that the boys see it differently. What a strange thing for them to be doing - shaking their ass and their thangs in front of a bunch of women, objectifying themselves. Not the stuff guys are raised to think of as manly, not the way women are taught to flaunt their beauty and arouse men. So, how do these guys cope with their profession? Well Allie and I agree that they try to be as alpha as they can, controlling the women paying them to perform.

I've been in lots of strip clubs and have seen this all before. Allie was a first timer but confirmed that she sees it too. There is a lot of grabbing of ass, pulling of hair, bending over, spanking, shows with handcuffs and blindfolds. All of this is what the strippers do to the women holding up their dollar bills (please note, giving a five gets you a lot more attention). This is not what a Domme wants to see. When a woman having a birthday is up there getting spanked, all I can think is that I want it the other way around. Not going to happen. These guys need the illusion of control and the women need the illusion of a guy taking command. Okay, it's not really an illusion at all as the women are letting the guys control them.

I've seen the rise of the male strip clubs over the years and there are now a lot of younger women, dressed to the nines, waving their dollar bills. Obviously women are into the sexuality of it almost as much as men. It will never be the same, however, until the day comes that women will go to a strip club on their lunch hour! Still, the gender roles persist. Even the older women like to be treated like a princess for a few minutes. How many of them are like me and prefer to be the queen in command, I can't tell. I do know that I am sensitive to the guys' feelings. I try to bank my natural desire to issue orders, let them put my hands and my body where they want them and I get a little chance to feel some hard, smooth bodies. Inside, though, the Domme that I am is having a very different kind of fantasy than I think they imagine.

And, what are the boys thinking as they gyrate over and around my body? I believe they are thinking about March Madness. Allie believes they are counting up their tips to see if they can afford new rims.

Please note, they are never aroused!

If you've never been to a strip club, go. At least go if you are a Domme. There is visceral pleasure for sure, but there's considerable entertainment just watching how the people relate to each other.

Sam

What to Wear

A few years ago, when I was invited to spend an evening with a Domme in a New York dungeon to learn some techniques, I was thrilled. But my excitement was tinged with concern. What should I wear? The idea of dressing up in a bustier and fuck-me high heels was both titilating and off-putting. My husband sometimes teases me that I’m a prim New England girl at heart. He’s not wrong in many ways. It’s hard for me to let go in public, to not feel silly. I knew I would feel self-conscious wearing something really provocative, and I’m also not sure that kink play for me is play in the sense of dressing for a part. I ultimately settled on all black business casual. I certainly stood out among the women there. But here’s the thing, I also got a lot of attention. Now maybe it was because I was a new face in the crowd. Or, maybe because I did stand out with the incongruity of a woman wearing street clothes while wielding various instruments of pain – the ordinary paired with the extraordinary. I don’t know.

What I wonder is how integral is clothing to kink? It’s certainly part of the stereotype that non-kinksters use to portray the lifestyle. All of the women (but not all of the men) that I saw that night in New York were dressed for the part. There is certainly a sense of power and control when someone is clothed and the other naked and some kink, like pony play, demands a costume. For the typical Domme, though, is wearing leather and sexy clothese a way for the woman to feel more attractive or a way for her to get into the swing of things (sort to speak). Am I the only one who wonders about this at all?