Watching Me Watching You

Exhibitionism has been around since the 5^th Century, and Voyeurism probably just as long. Have you ever done one or considered the other? So many women (American women, anyway) have “issues” with their own bodies – they’re very reluctant to show them unclothed to anyone. Some, however, have no problem stripping down and showing the world what they’ve got! There are probably those who fall in-between as well – not so excited about taking it all off, but under the right circumstances, willing to show themselves in all their naked glory.

Voyeurism isn’t something that’s talked about for the most part, but without those exhibitionists, what would voyeurs do? Having sex in a public setting isn’t just for those who want that extra added thrill of possibly getting caught. People having sex in public must know there is the very real possibility that voyeurs are around and paying attention.

Perhaps that’s why there’s at least one voyeuristic scene in most porn movies. Voyeurism is titillation in more than one way. It’s not just the people being spied upon who are aroused by the actions involved. Frequently, however, those being spied on don’t know they’re being watched. That’s the thrill for the voyeur.

Personally? Don’t know that I would have sex in public – participating in a scene in a private club is one thing, having sex in public or in front of a group of people is entirely another. Voyeurism? The idea of that doesn’t bother me as much.

Fantasy Domme

Saturday I was very excited to have my swag for the Romantic Times conference delivered. I found these adorable fetish key chains. They have mini floggers or paddles on them and I hope they will be a big hit with a certain crowd of the attendees(or maybe just the curious). I was not surprised by the picture on the cover of the box they came in, but I was annoyed by it. It obviously was designed with the straight non-sub guy in mind. The woman is a sex kitten kind of fantasy Domme, hardly the way I look or the way any Domme I know looks. It’s a variation of the schizophrenic way that many men view women anyway – the virgin whore. What they picture is a Domme who looks the way they picture a sub. There’s no power in the image. It’s certainly not what a true male sub is looking for. Oh, well, the world is run by straight, non-fetish men.

The key chains are still adorable.

Sam

What is a fetish?

Lately I’ve been doing research on fetishism for a story and I’m amazed at what I found. First, what is a fetish? A fetish is defined as any inanimate object given unreasonable attention, or any part of the body not of a sexual nature that arouses erotic feelings. In other words, a fetish is when an individual is sexually aroused by a specific object or objects and is generally unable to achieve sexual satisfaction without that object being present.

But the different kinds of fetishes run such a wide range.

Knismolagnia is the term for sexual arousal from tickling.

Formicophilia is deriving sexual pleasure from insects crawling on the body, specifically on the genitals. It is more common in developing countries, perhaps because homes are infested with insects. This could lead to an individual's genitals being exposed to insects (especially if they have outdoor bathrooms, as many developing countries do), and if this happens at a young age when they are sexually developing, they may derive pleasure from it.

Plushophilia is liking one of your stuffed animals a little too much as a child can lead to this fetish. It is being sexually attracted to stuffed animals or people dressed in animal costumes. Some plushophiles like to masturbate using small stuffed animals, and some like to dress up in costumes and have sex with others wearing costumes. Someone who is into bestiality, but doesn't want to actually have sex with animals could also enjoy this fetish.

Vorarephilia, one of the weirdest ones I found, is arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else. It is called "vore" for short and involves pure fantasy.

Inflatophilia can vary in what the inflatophile enjoys. It can be an attraction to inflatable animals and toys, deriving sexual pleasure from wearing inflatable suits, or just being aroused from the thought of people inflating like balloons.

Erotic asphyxia is a dangerous practice wherein a person enjoys cutting off their air supply while having sex or masturbating. Those who practice this fetish claim that it makes orgasms more enjoyable, but sometimes they can't get the rope, belt, or seatbelt that they use to strangle themselves loose fast enough, so it can be deadly.

Robot fetishism is a fantasy that involves the thought of having sex with a robot, having sex dressed as robots, or having sex with a person who is transformed into a robot. I guess someone who really loves technology or science fiction could be into this.

Burusera is a Japanese term for a panty fetish. It is an extremely prevalent fetish in Japan. There are burusera shops in Japan that sell used schoolgirls' panties, and there even used to be vending machines on the streets where men could buy them. The men buy them to smell them.

Erotic lactation is simply the breastfeeding of an adult by a lactating woman for sexual arousal. Nipple stimulation during sex is widely practiced, but erotic lactation is much more taboo.

Klismaphilia is deriving sexual pleasure from receiving an enema. It's not too surprising that people can get aroused from it, especially if they enjoy anal sex.

Hybristophilia is often known as the Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome. It is a sexual attraction to someone who has committed a gruesome crime. Many inmates who are imprisoned for outrageous crimes receive love letters from women.

Then there is the Zuni fetish, an object, most often carved, which usually represents an animal or Being revered by the Zuni Indians of New Mexico, whose word for fetish is wemawe (wuh-may-wuh). Fetishes have been carved for personal use for ages. An outgrowth of this aspect of Zuni culture is the modern animals, figures, and fetish pots created exclusively for trade.

And finally there is the man who cannot become sexually aroused unless he’s wearing cowboy boots. This is for real. Maybe I could interview him for one of my many cowboy stories! Might be something interesting for a change.

The whole point of this is that many people have sexual fixations on certain acts or objects and cannot become aroused or achieve sexual satisfaction without them. Certainly gives me a lot of food for thought as I plot my next stories.

Come see what I'm cooking up at www.desireeholt.com

Fetish Friday: A Fetish too Far?

I'm pretty sure I can't top the whale penis post, sadly. But a discussion on our author group has led me to consider a little fetish philosophy. Specifically, when is a fetish just too much for even the most open-minded kinkster to accept as within the realm of "okay"?

Not in the "this should be outlawed" sense, of course. Consenting adults can do whatever they like, alone or in combinations, and as long as they don't expect or try to compel me to watch them, and we're not talking about consensual snuff or something, I really do not care. However, everybody has a limit somewhere, a personal notion of what they themselves don't even like to ponder. A squick, in short.

I've done things that would probably make a lot of vanilla people's skin crawl, and I know about plenty of other things that I wouldn't do personally but totally understand. Needle play, for instance. Chain flogging. Extreme predicament suspensions. Puppy play. Not my personal kinks, but I understand the spectrum on which these options exist. More pain, more endorphins, more power exchange, more subspace...if that's what you need to get there, I understand. Go forth, puppies and piercers, and do your various things.

But a fetish I personally cannot get behind/past is the furry thing. If you do it, fine. Again, as long as I don't have to watch it. But I admit I do sort of judge. I've read about it, watched stuff, etc. about it...but I don't get it, and it trips my weirdometer into the red zone. I think maybe my brain just isn't wired to understand it. Although the first time I heard about lifestyle D/s I didn't get that (the Master in question was in fact a total asshole with big boundary issues, so I suspect that had a lot to do with it). And look at me now!

So what's yours? I've shown you mine. What's the one fetish or kink that just plain squicks you out, that you can't get past no matter what?

Zentai Fetish



No it's not Friday Fetish-It's Wednesday but this may come under the heading Weird Wednesday.

Is it an artistic expression, a sensory experience, exhibitionism, a desire for anonymity, or possibly a chance to walk naked in public without actually being naked? Zentai is a fetish you’ll see on city streets, in parks and shopping malls. Warning: If you have a tendency toward claustrophobia, this fetish might not be for you. Zentai comes from the Japanese term meaning “skin-tight garment”. Zentai is a skin-tight suit covering the entire body, I mean COMPLETELY—hands, feet, and the whole face and head.

These outfits look like something from a SciFi movie. If you’ve ever seen the Blue Man Group you’ll get the idea but they aren't true Zentai. Their faces are painted but not covered. www.blueman.com I think the Blue Man guys have a Zentai fetish.

Zentai suits are usually made out of nylon/spandex but some use cotton and even wool. Fanning self here. Wool? Ick. Itchy and hot? Maybe for Zentai wearers during winter months.

Zentai wearers say the fabric sliding against the skin is very sensual. Some enjoy the D/s aspect as it causes a “submissive” feeling, while others claim the experience is strongly Dominant. Those in the D/s lifestyle may enjoy bondage while wearing Zentai—somewhat double bondage as I see it.

The artistic and visual effect may be the draw to some Zentai with all the various colors and patterns available. And off course the attention they get when doing a “walkabout” in public. Zentai wearers have to be a tad on the exhibitionist side. You think?

Zentai parties? I’ve read where these secret parties are becoming more popular. Hmmm. Scratching head here. Now what do they do at a Zentai party? Can’t eat. Can’t drink. Can’t recognize anyone. I guess I can use my imagination which can be bad at times. I’m visualizing a dozen Blue Man guys/women having a quasi-orgy where there’s no skin contact. Might be fun to watch.

As with anything, don't mock it unless you've tried it.

Kathy

The Shy Girls’ Guide to Finding Your Fetish

While surfing the Internet (when of course I was supposed to be writing!)…well, actually I was doing research for my next story (**wink wink**) I came across the most interesting site. A guide for shy women who deep down want to find their personal fetish.I found Emily Dubberly, the perfect person to be your guide. Dubberley has tested more than 500 sex toys, worked as a lube taster and engaged in any number of depraved activities in the name of study -- think sploshing, working as a dominatrix and attending an orgy. Yes, the lady has experience. Here are her tips for discovering a fetish (or rolling with the one that began when you watched "Secretary").
If you’re a bookworm, she says, you’re already ahead of the game. Just spice up your library with…well, spicy books. Read the stories. Look for what turns you on. Go ahead. You’re in your room by yourself so anything goes.
The next thing is to find a partner to try out your fetish with. Got a significant other you’ve been dying to make suggestions to? Your husband too predictable in bed and you want to shake him up? Gone to a munch where you met a guy you’d just love to tell about your fetish?
All good, as long as your partner is someone you trust.
Into bondage? Really, really think you’d like to give it a try? Enroll in a beginner’s class given by someone with good credentials. Again, the important words are safe and trust.
Want to just try a few things in the privacy of your own room? Check out the closest adult pleasure store. Trust me, no one will even pay attention to you browsing all the interesting items on display. They’re all busy studying what they want!!! Pick out what you like and take it home with you. Then it’s a matter of seeing what gives you the biggest sexual high, whether it’s stroking yourself with fur or using a toy you’ve never tried before.
But when making fantasy a reality, there are a few key rules, especially if you’re trying out your ideas with a partner. Don't be drunk, high or without a safe word. Your physical and mental health are at stake -- fetish acts can bring many underlying issues to the surface -- and you don't want that bottle of wine to mask any danger.
But the door to erotic enchantment is wide open to you. Go ahead. Open it. You’ll love what’s on the other side.
Come visit me at www.desireeholt.com
And check out all the books in the 1-800-DOMHelp series. You can find them at Ellora's Cave www.jasminejade.com

Fetish Friday: Puppy Play Gone Wrong?!

(The Puppy Play pride symbol)

No, not THAT kind of puppy play. Although perhaps another Friday.

No, I'm talking about an actual puppy, and not bestiality, either (because folks, that's just wrong, and I will judge you for that). See, in October my family acquired a lovely brindle Boxer/lab mix we call Boomer, and this puppy has required me to step up my toy security game in a big, big way.

Boomer dominating some rope.
He clearly has a thing for bondage equipment.

Not that my children are incurious--Lord knows they are into anything and everything--but they've grown up with pretty limited access to my bedroom. They know they really aren't supposed to be in there without a grownup, and so forth. I was lucky enough to think to establish that very early on, so it isn't even so much a rule as just a given.

Unfortunately, puppies don't understand those givens. And Boomer is pretty much in the process of eating...EVERYTHING. Seriously. Puppy world domination through ingestion is his very clear ultimate goal. And I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlord because he's cute, fuzzy and quickly learning how to behave more like a canine minion.

That strap USED to be padded...

However, I did not welcome the realization that he'd been sneaking under my bed and gnawing on things he found there. Things that are attached to the legs of the bed and usually cleverly hidden under the bedskirt when not in use. Things that have velcro and buckles and D-rings. Things that weren't exactly cheap. And I'm quite fond of those things.  Sadly I have two fewer of them now (well, one's probably still useable, but raggedy and thoroughly infused w/ puppy spit, so I'm not sure how sexy it'd feel to have it wrapped around my wrist or ankle).

This one only got chewed a little bit.
But it's still not too sexy :-(

Even better, my first discovery of this new habit of his came on Christmas Eve. When I had a house full of family. And he'd pulled the item in question all the way to the end of its tether--well out from under the bed--so he could chew it up out in the open. No, nobody happened to see it, I got to it first. But they could have.

My puppy almost outed me.

This has prompted me to be more careful to close that door, obviously. But it also made me think about how often my private bedroom practices are influenced by chaotic variables in the environment. Often these are restrictions (having young kids = no Liberator shapes; living in the suburbs = gotta keep the loud stuff to a minimum or the neighbors will look at us funny) but sometimes I think it's a spur to creativity, which is always a welcome thing in the budoir. It makes us work those problem-solving muscles, and helps move us in new directions.

How to keep the tethers and cuffs safe from Boomer's blandishments, but still have them readily accessible? It may mean we finally have to break down and get a proper bed (I want a chunky, modern platform bed with hidden eyehooks installed between the frame and the mattress). Money's tight, and we're handy and crafty folk, so there's the possibility we'll actually build something instead (once I get done with my fabulous steampunk ray gun gauntlet project!). This means we can customize it to meet our particular needs, to a greater extent than would likely be possible with a purchased and modified bed. And that whole building process could even inspire us to think up new...stuff to do.

So ultimately, the fact that the puppy chomped up my cuff could turn out to be a good thing. Unlike the issue of sex toy storage/hiding, which I could basically resolve on my own, this will require my husband and I to work together in finding a solution that could end up affecting our sexytimes in as-yet-unforeseen and potentially delightful ways! Time will tell.

Um...in the meantime, does anybody know where I can buy some  cuffs that come pre-infused with Bitter Apple taste?

Fetish Friday: Fetish Awareness, or Things You Can't Unsee

I blame the stage version of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. I was in a semi-pro production of this musical several years ago, and the theme was updated to concentrate heavily on fetish wear and practices. We had a pony boy in the chorus, with his lovely leather-clad Mistress. Riff and Magenta were collared slaves. I may or may not have portrayed a ruler-wielding schoolteacher. That sort of thing. The dance numbers were…entertaining. 

Anyway, in the course of that show the entire cast did a lot of research into the world of fetishes (we even took a field trip!), and learned many fascinating things. This was before I’d embarked on my current career of smut-writing, so it was a real eye-opener for me. But once I got past my initial shock, of course I was intrigued by it all. Not just the D/s part, which wasn’t entirely new to me even then, but the whole panoply of sexual fetishes. The variety, the sheer mind-boggling creativity. That was several years ago, and I've learned so much since then, but I still credit that show with providing me a turning point in how I viewed human sexuality.

The downside? Once seen, it cannot be unseen. Once you’re aware that some people like to do freaky things with eels, for instance, it’s nigh impossible to see a bunch of eels (a “bind” of eels, I think it’s called) without thinking about that. And wondering, not for the first time, why certain cultures seem to have so many and such extreme affinities for that sort of thing (I’m looking at you, Japan…and Germany, don’t think you’re flying under my radar, either). If I see somebody dressed in head-to-toe leather these days, I make some baseline assumptions I simply didn't used to make. And I am no longer able to view, with innocent unawareness, anyone wearing a full-body animal costume of any kind.  

Usually this all happens where it started - on the internet. So usually it’s not a problem in the "real" world. But yesterday I found myself standing in the gift shop at the local fine art museum, commenting to the cashier that the newly arrived collection of jewelry (made out of little bits of rubber piping in black, gray and red) looked a whole lot like fetish wear. She agreed, and more to the point she knew instantly what I meant and didn’t bat an eye at my remark. My sister, standing next to me, was a lot less sanguine about my cheerful discussion of fetish-themed jewelry. Although it was my sister who proceeded to point out that the collection also included purses  (some of which, gosh, I’d think any latex-loving fetishista would be thrilled to have because they were pretty cute).  

It may not usually be a problem, but it certainly is an unavoidable fact that now I'm aware of this stuff, I can't ever be un-aware of it again. I can’t unsee all the sundry things I’ve seen people doing with rubber hoses (or, sadly, eels). Nor can I completely isolate that knowledge from my experience of the world around me. And I have to admit it does change, even skew, my perception of everyday objects at times. Sometimes it makes me wonder just how “vanilla” the world around me really is. I mean that sure was an awfully high concentration of rubber piping for a non-industrial application. 

Sorta made me sad I’m allergic to latex.

But I wouldn’t mind being allergic to eels.

Fetish Friday: Liberate Me!

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Fetish Friday: Safe Search is OFF.

“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”

- Alfred Kinsey

If you’d told me ten or even five years ago that I would ever be composing a blog post with the theme “Fetish Friday” I would have definitely asked for some of whatever you were smoking. But then again, if you’d told me five years ago that I would be celebrating my fifth book release, I’d have started demanding your keys and finding you a designated driver. And yet here I am, backlist under my belt, fixing to write a little something about fetishes. Or as one of our happy, kinky crew here at 1-800-DOM-help describes them, “the things that make us sweat”! 

We all know Rule 34 of the Internet (whatever it is, there is porn of it). Think of anything - anything at all - and not only is somebody somewhere turned on by it, but there is probably a discussion group or forum devoted entirely to that subject. Heck, there may even be a national convention. People who like to have sex wearing bunny slippers. People who like to have sex with bunny slippers. People who like to have sex (or perhaps even live their day-to-day lives) dressed up in full-on bunny suits. It's all out there, and so much more [Do not even get me started on the growing prevalence of tentacle porn and eel-related fetish videos. Oh, and by the way, you do not ever want to see my browser history]. 

The point is, people are turned on by all sorts of different things. Just about anything can be the focus of a fetish. If it’s something other than a typical sex toy (dildos and vibrators don’t count as fetish objects, no matter how we may adore them) and you are aroused by it, then it may be at the center of a sexual fetish. If you can't get aroused without it, of course, you know for sure. 

Of course the downside of all this variety is that people can develop fetishes centered around some very unsafe objects and/or activities (you’ll notice I’m not providing links to any of those). And for some people the focus on a sexual fetish can develop into a genuine paraphilic disorder (a fetish gone bad, essentially) if it’s causing them distress or causing others harm. 

But in a safe, sane, consensual environment, within the bounds of the law, exploring the world of fetishes can be good, clean or perhaps exquisitely dirty fun. And whether your interest is just casually kinky or truly focused, learning more about fetishes in general can teach you to see the entire world in a whole new light. Think outside the box. You may have sexual tastes you didn’t even know about! And even if you don’t, you can sure have a heck of a lot of fun finding out.

So stock up on condoms and lube, make sure your Safe Search is set to “Off,” and let your imagination soar. Or put on bunny slippers. Or roll around in chocolate pudding. Or cruise the produce aisle. 

Just please leave the eels out of it. 

What is the most unusual or intriguing fetish you've read about or come across? Let us know in the comments!