Fetish Friday: A Fetish too Far?

I'm pretty sure I can't top the whale penis post, sadly. But a discussion on our author group has led me to consider a little fetish philosophy. Specifically, when is a fetish just too much for even the most open-minded kinkster to accept as within the realm of "okay"?

Not in the "this should be outlawed" sense, of course. Consenting adults can do whatever they like, alone or in combinations, and as long as they don't expect or try to compel me to watch them, and we're not talking about consensual snuff or something, I really do not care. However, everybody has a limit somewhere, a personal notion of what they themselves don't even like to ponder. A squick, in short.

I've done things that would probably make a lot of vanilla people's skin crawl, and I know about plenty of other things that I wouldn't do personally but totally understand. Needle play, for instance. Chain flogging. Extreme predicament suspensions. Puppy play. Not my personal kinks, but I understand the spectrum on which these options exist. More pain, more endorphins, more power exchange, more subspace...if that's what you need to get there, I understand. Go forth, puppies and piercers, and do your various things.

But a fetish I personally cannot get behind/past is the furry thing. If you do it, fine. Again, as long as I don't have to watch it. But I admit I do sort of judge. I've read about it, watched stuff, etc. about it...but I don't get it, and it trips my weirdometer into the red zone. I think maybe my brain just isn't wired to understand it. Although the first time I heard about lifestyle D/s I didn't get that (the Master in question was in fact a total asshole with big boundary issues, so I suspect that had a lot to do with it). And look at me now!

So what's yours? I've shown you mine. What's the one fetish or kink that just plain squicks you out, that you can't get past no matter what?

Fetish Friday: Animal Threesomes

Hi folks, Delphine checking in late this Friday...since Francesca was feeling poorly I pulled a topic off the shelf and jumped in! And right away I have to apologize in advance; this post will include references, both textual and visual, to whale penises. If that prospect distresses you, move along now because this shit is about to get real.

So, have you ever heard somebody try to argue that some sexual practices like, say, threesomes, are unnatural? Puh-lease. Y'all, the next time that old argument arises, just refer that woefully misinformed to this, and remember it must be true because IT IS SCIENCE.

Yes, that's right, that's an article about not only whale penises--a pretty damned spectacular topic in itself for obvious reasons--but about a documented m/m/f whale threesome.

Yes, that's right. It's a whale schlong.

That's a lot to ponder, so let's take it one element at a time. The picture on the left, which  I shamelessly cribbed from that linked article, is of a relatively small (killer) whale penis. That one's small, remember.

After you've taken a moment to compose yourself, consider the additional fact that the whale's penis is very flexible and often the mating occurs with the female belly-up and the male snaking the penis up over her side to penetrate her.

So far, so good. They are whales, and they can have sorta whale-like missionary-position sex. But wait! There's more!

At least one more, to be precise. One more whale dude. Or at least on occasion. As scientists have documented, sometimes two males penetrate the female simultaneously. And while I'm not sure just how I'd feel about that given that they are sharing one orifice with their humungous equipment...well, the female whale does not seem to be complaining. Click the link if you'd like to see the pictures. Go on, take a minute. You know you want to (those are Right whales, by the way...and their penises are about three times the one of that orca in the picture up there).

I especially like the picture with arrows and circles, thoughtfully provided in case you were unable to tell exactly where the two enormous whale penises were in the unlabeled picture.

Folks, whales have threesomes. Whales are mammals, just like humans. They are smart mammals, too. Well, obviously. But the real point here is that animals get up to all sorts of sexual hijinks and they aren't hindered by notions of what is or isn't "natural". To them, truly, the only unnatural acts are the ones they cannot perform. Whales indulge in menages, monkeys are sometimes gay for each other, the animals pretty much have it all going on despite the feeble arguments about what is and isn't "natural". And like it or not, people are animals too.

So go forth and enjoy that menage, or celebrate your friend's marriage to his boyfriend, or relish the sting of a friendly riding crop...and if anybody challenges your choice, just link them to the article above. At the very least, they are unlikely to ever argue with you about it again.

Feel better soon, Francesca, as your talents are sorely needed here...your post probably would have been much better thought-out and not nearly so laden with images we cannot unsee. 

Fetish Friday: Puppy Play Gone Wrong?!

(The Puppy Play pride symbol)

No, not THAT kind of puppy play. Although perhaps another Friday.

No, I'm talking about an actual puppy, and not bestiality, either (because folks, that's just wrong, and I will judge you for that). See, in October my family acquired a lovely brindle Boxer/lab mix we call Boomer, and this puppy has required me to step up my toy security game in a big, big way.

Boomer dominating some rope.
He clearly has a thing for bondage equipment.

Not that my children are incurious--Lord knows they are into anything and everything--but they've grown up with pretty limited access to my bedroom. They know they really aren't supposed to be in there without a grownup, and so forth. I was lucky enough to think to establish that very early on, so it isn't even so much a rule as just a given.

Unfortunately, puppies don't understand those givens. And Boomer is pretty much in the process of eating...EVERYTHING. Seriously. Puppy world domination through ingestion is his very clear ultimate goal. And I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlord because he's cute, fuzzy and quickly learning how to behave more like a canine minion.

That strap USED to be padded...

However, I did not welcome the realization that he'd been sneaking under my bed and gnawing on things he found there. Things that are attached to the legs of the bed and usually cleverly hidden under the bedskirt when not in use. Things that have velcro and buckles and D-rings. Things that weren't exactly cheap. And I'm quite fond of those things.  Sadly I have two fewer of them now (well, one's probably still useable, but raggedy and thoroughly infused w/ puppy spit, so I'm not sure how sexy it'd feel to have it wrapped around my wrist or ankle).

This one only got chewed a little bit.
But it's still not too sexy :-(

Even better, my first discovery of this new habit of his came on Christmas Eve. When I had a house full of family. And he'd pulled the item in question all the way to the end of its tether--well out from under the bed--so he could chew it up out in the open. No, nobody happened to see it, I got to it first. But they could have.

My puppy almost outed me.

This has prompted me to be more careful to close that door, obviously. But it also made me think about how often my private bedroom practices are influenced by chaotic variables in the environment. Often these are restrictions (having young kids = no Liberator shapes; living in the suburbs = gotta keep the loud stuff to a minimum or the neighbors will look at us funny) but sometimes I think it's a spur to creativity, which is always a welcome thing in the budoir. It makes us work those problem-solving muscles, and helps move us in new directions.

How to keep the tethers and cuffs safe from Boomer's blandishments, but still have them readily accessible? It may mean we finally have to break down and get a proper bed (I want a chunky, modern platform bed with hidden eyehooks installed between the frame and the mattress). Money's tight, and we're handy and crafty folk, so there's the possibility we'll actually build something instead (once I get done with my fabulous steampunk ray gun gauntlet project!). This means we can customize it to meet our particular needs, to a greater extent than would likely be possible with a purchased and modified bed. And that whole building process could even inspire us to think up new...stuff to do.

So ultimately, the fact that the puppy chomped up my cuff could turn out to be a good thing. Unlike the issue of sex toy storage/hiding, which I could basically resolve on my own, this will require my husband and I to work together in finding a solution that could end up affecting our sexytimes in as-yet-unforeseen and potentially delightful ways! Time will tell.

Um...in the meantime, does anybody know where I can buy some  cuffs that come pre-infused with Bitter Apple taste?

Fetish Friday: Fetish Awareness, or Things You Can't Unsee

I blame the stage version of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show”. I was in a semi-pro production of this musical several years ago, and the theme was updated to concentrate heavily on fetish wear and practices. We had a pony boy in the chorus, with his lovely leather-clad Mistress. Riff and Magenta were collared slaves. I may or may not have portrayed a ruler-wielding schoolteacher. That sort of thing. The dance numbers were…entertaining. 

Anyway, in the course of that show the entire cast did a lot of research into the world of fetishes (we even took a field trip!), and learned many fascinating things. This was before I’d embarked on my current career of smut-writing, so it was a real eye-opener for me. But once I got past my initial shock, of course I was intrigued by it all. Not just the D/s part, which wasn’t entirely new to me even then, but the whole panoply of sexual fetishes. The variety, the sheer mind-boggling creativity. That was several years ago, and I've learned so much since then, but I still credit that show with providing me a turning point in how I viewed human sexuality.

The downside? Once seen, it cannot be unseen. Once you’re aware that some people like to do freaky things with eels, for instance, it’s nigh impossible to see a bunch of eels (a “bind” of eels, I think it’s called) without thinking about that. And wondering, not for the first time, why certain cultures seem to have so many and such extreme affinities for that sort of thing (I’m looking at you, Japan…and Germany, don’t think you’re flying under my radar, either). If I see somebody dressed in head-to-toe leather these days, I make some baseline assumptions I simply didn't used to make. And I am no longer able to view, with innocent unawareness, anyone wearing a full-body animal costume of any kind.  

Usually this all happens where it started - on the internet. So usually it’s not a problem in the "real" world. But yesterday I found myself standing in the gift shop at the local fine art museum, commenting to the cashier that the newly arrived collection of jewelry (made out of little bits of rubber piping in black, gray and red) looked a whole lot like fetish wear. She agreed, and more to the point she knew instantly what I meant and didn’t bat an eye at my remark. My sister, standing next to me, was a lot less sanguine about my cheerful discussion of fetish-themed jewelry. Although it was my sister who proceeded to point out that the collection also included purses  (some of which, gosh, I’d think any latex-loving fetishista would be thrilled to have because they were pretty cute).  

It may not usually be a problem, but it certainly is an unavoidable fact that now I'm aware of this stuff, I can't ever be un-aware of it again. I can’t unsee all the sundry things I’ve seen people doing with rubber hoses (or, sadly, eels). Nor can I completely isolate that knowledge from my experience of the world around me. And I have to admit it does change, even skew, my perception of everyday objects at times. Sometimes it makes me wonder just how “vanilla” the world around me really is. I mean that sure was an awfully high concentration of rubber piping for a non-industrial application. 

Sorta made me sad I’m allergic to latex.

But I wouldn’t mind being allergic to eels.

Fetish Friday: Liberate Me!

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Fetish Friday: Storing the Things that Make us Sweat

With talk of fetishes comes talk of objects, and while your fetish may be for some commonplace item that doesn’t require hiding, you can probably still appreciate the fear of something like this happening: 

Oh, toys. Toys, toys, toys! They are so much fun, and I have spent way too much money on them in the past few years (research, of course!). But once you start adding several different types of toy, multiple flavors of lube, and big coils of rope to the mix, things get a little hard to store. Whether it’s latex garb, whips-n-cuffs, your favorite dildo or that costly e-stim kit, it all takes up space and most of us do not have the luxury of dedicated secure playrooms in our homes. We need storage that gets our sexytime accessories out of the way in a discreet, convenient way so that it is accessible to us but hidden from view - and specifically, for some of us, hidden from the children. Because if there’s one thing I do not want, it’s my six-year-old locating a few of my favorite things and asking me to explain them. Or a relative mistaking any of them for a flashlight if the lights go out at a dinner party. And then asking me to explain them.

Contents: Classified

So I have come up with some practical solutions. A very boring “decorative” miniature wooden trunk that sits on my dresser, filled with little silk bags and other wrappings I’ve acquired to keep all my precious investments safe from dust and the casual glance. It even has a cute little hasp so I can lock it if I feel the need. Oh, and there’s also a box of rope lengths, hiding in plain sight in my closet among the boots (what…doesn’t everybody keep 100-plus feet of nicely conditioned hemp rope in the master bedroom closet?). 

One of these things is not like the others

But there is also my fantasy set of potential solutions, the ones I would adopt if my budget were just a wee bit larger. And it is these solutions I want to discuss today. Solutions that were designed specifically for this purpose. 

As you probably know if you have any number of sex-related toys at all, there are some concerns with storing this kind of gear. The environment must be clean, dry and lint-free. Washability is a big plus, cleanability is a must. And ideally each toy must have its own compartment or wrapper - in particular, silicon toys must not be stored in contact with other silicon toys or substances, or the toys can “melt” or degrade. This is not only an aesthetic concern but a safety issue as well, so it is very important to be able to sequester each toy in whatever storage arrangement you use. And it’s nice to have room for toys plus lube, cleaners, and all the other accessories you may have accumulated, so it’s all in one handy place.

Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox

If money isn’t an object, there are some great hard-sided lockable cases on the market with adjustable compartments, designed specifically for sex toys. The Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox is a nice example. A case like this is discreet - it looks like a camera case or similar - and allows you to store a wide variety of toys in clean, adjustable compartments. It has a shield to protect (potentially) wet contents like lube from spilling on other contents. Tunti’s box is also illuminated when open, a very nice touch for when you’re working in low-light environments. No fear of grabbing the wrong flogger if you’re storing the playthings in one of these! 

Not flashy, but functional & cost-effective

If your needs aren’t quite as extensive, however, there are also a lot of smaller lockable cases out there with varying degrees of adjustability; check out Fruits of Eden for some nice cases in various colors at many different price points. Or go hunting for a hard-sided camera case with adaptable foam dividers. 

Sneaky! I like it! 

If locking isn’t as great a concern as hiding, and portability isn't an issue, one of the most clever ideas out there for a reasonably low cost is the Sneaky Sack. This bag is sneaky indeed - you hang it on a clothes hanger and then hang a shirt or jacket over it, hiding it effectively from all but the most sophisticated seekers. The Sneaky Sack has three large pockets but no other internal compartments, so you may still need to consider some individual bags to separate and organize your toys inside it. Sugar Saks are simple, attractive and pre-treated with an antimicrobial process. Zomi bags (by the Liberator company, about which I hope to blog at length another day) are sturdy, waterproof, zippered and available in a wide variety of colors. These are also great options for travel, or for storing things in a dresser or nightstand drawer.

If you’re looking for a more budget-friendly way to separate individual toys, of course, you can easily find small zippered makeup bags or - my personal favorite - drawstring fabric gift bags. If you opt for an organza or mesh style, do try to find bags with a fairly tightly woven mesh, nothing that might allow silicon objects to melt each other if the bags are adjacent.  

For some, of course, inquisitive little kid fingers and eyes aren’t the big concern for toy storage - it’s a question of general discretion, not the threat of active prying. Sportsheets (another company that is a blog topic unto itself!) still makes their Hide Your Vibe pillow, which may not hold your entire toy kit but can let you keep a few high-priority items close at hand. One downside to this pillow is that the color choices are limited - and not subtle. You will likely need to find another cover if you want to match your decor, unless your decor involves animal prints or the color pink.  

Not that roomy, but damn it's classy

A fairly new product that is possibly the classiest, most discreet thing I’ve ever seen in the way of sex toy storage is the Toitissue, a sleek wooden box with an inch of camouflaging facial tissue storage in the top and a secret sliding drawer beneath for your toys. Or your stash. Or your cashmere sock full of money. It even has a secret lock! There’s also the standard Toibocks, the company’s original toy storage product, which masquerades as a jewelry box; however, the illusion is not quite as strong as with the tissue dispenser.

I’m sure there are other marvelous options out there, and I would love to hear about them! How do you keep your private playthings private?

Fetish Friday: Safe Search is OFF.

“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”

- Alfred Kinsey

If you’d told me ten or even five years ago that I would ever be composing a blog post with the theme “Fetish Friday” I would have definitely asked for some of whatever you were smoking. But then again, if you’d told me five years ago that I would be celebrating my fifth book release, I’d have started demanding your keys and finding you a designated driver. And yet here I am, backlist under my belt, fixing to write a little something about fetishes. Or as one of our happy, kinky crew here at 1-800-DOM-help describes them, “the things that make us sweat”! 

We all know Rule 34 of the Internet (whatever it is, there is porn of it). Think of anything - anything at all - and not only is somebody somewhere turned on by it, but there is probably a discussion group or forum devoted entirely to that subject. Heck, there may even be a national convention. People who like to have sex wearing bunny slippers. People who like to have sex with bunny slippers. People who like to have sex (or perhaps even live their day-to-day lives) dressed up in full-on bunny suits. It's all out there, and so much more [Do not even get me started on the growing prevalence of tentacle porn and eel-related fetish videos. Oh, and by the way, you do not ever want to see my browser history]. 

The point is, people are turned on by all sorts of different things. Just about anything can be the focus of a fetish. If it’s something other than a typical sex toy (dildos and vibrators don’t count as fetish objects, no matter how we may adore them) and you are aroused by it, then it may be at the center of a sexual fetish. If you can't get aroused without it, of course, you know for sure. 

Of course the downside of all this variety is that people can develop fetishes centered around some very unsafe objects and/or activities (you’ll notice I’m not providing links to any of those). And for some people the focus on a sexual fetish can develop into a genuine paraphilic disorder (a fetish gone bad, essentially) if it’s causing them distress or causing others harm. 

But in a safe, sane, consensual environment, within the bounds of the law, exploring the world of fetishes can be good, clean or perhaps exquisitely dirty fun. And whether your interest is just casually kinky or truly focused, learning more about fetishes in general can teach you to see the entire world in a whole new light. Think outside the box. You may have sexual tastes you didn’t even know about! And even if you don’t, you can sure have a heck of a lot of fun finding out.

So stock up on condoms and lube, make sure your Safe Search is set to “Off,” and let your imagination soar. Or put on bunny slippers. Or roll around in chocolate pudding. Or cruise the produce aisle. 

Just please leave the eels out of it. 

What is the most unusual or intriguing fetish you've read about or come across? Let us know in the comments!