Monday, March 7, 2011

Curiosity can be a great thing

It led me to learn a lot more about the BDSM lifestyle which is almost a constant thread in my stories.

When I first began writing about BDSM I had an almost insatiable curiosity about the lifestyle, the people involved in it and how it offered a new level of sexual satisfaction. I discovered two things: more people are involved in the life than I imagined and it is far more complex than I could have even anticipated. But the more I studied it, the more absorbed in it I became. I also discovered that the key to it all is a level of trust very often missing from other relationships – a trust that really deepens the relationship.

Recently I had several online conversations with some couples involved in one form of BDSM known as the master/slave relationship. This a form of total power exchange, because one person gives another ultimate authority over them. And that certainly requires a deep level of trust. The Dominant is either Master (male) or Mistress (female).

In BDSM, a slave is a specific type of submissive. The master/slave relationship refers to the relationship between the individuals involved, and does not necessarily require any specific acts, sexual or otherwise, though sexual activity is usually an aspect of the relationship. The sexual aspect could be conventional, and not necessarily BDSM. A slave could also be a masochist or bottom, but this is not always the case.

For some the relationship is sexual roleplay, while others enter into the relationship on the basis of a highly committed, long-term, submissive lifestyle. The difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission, but many see the difference as being conceptual. For example, some slaves may not have a naturally submissive personality, but choose to surrender their will and volition to another.

In some instances people celebrate the commitment to the relationship with a collaring ceremony, which can be simple or elaborate and friends are usually invited. The collar can be anything from a necklace to a bracelet or other piece of symbolic jewelry. These are generally not removed unless or until the relationship is dissolved.

The one thing everyone I spoke to was emphatic about was the level of trust in the relationship and incredible sense of satisfaction it gave them. I want to thank everyone (nameless, of course) who shared information with me. And you can be sure that this will be a major part of the plot in an upcoming story.

Meanwhile please check out my books at

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