Monday, December 13, 2010

What to Wear

A few years ago, when I was invited to spend an evening with a Domme in a New York dungeon to learn some techniques, I was thrilled. But my excitement was tinged with concern. What should I wear? The idea of dressing up in a bustier and fuck-me high heels was both titilating and off-putting. My husband sometimes teases me that I’m a prim New England girl at heart. He’s not wrong in many ways. It’s hard for me to let go in public, to not feel silly. I knew I would feel self-conscious wearing something really provocative, and I’m also not sure that kink play for me is play in the sense of dressing for a part. I ultimately settled on all black business casual. I certainly stood out among the women there. But here’s the thing, I also got a lot of attention. Now maybe it was because I was a new face in the crowd. Or, maybe because I did stand out with the incongruity of a woman wearing street clothes while wielding various instruments of pain – the ordinary paired with the extraordinary. I don’t know.

What I wonder is how integral is clothing to kink? It’s certainly part of the stereotype that non-kinksters use to portray the lifestyle. All of the women (but not all of the men) that I saw that night in New York were dressed for the part. There is certainly a sense of power and control when someone is clothed and the other naked and some kink, like pony play, demands a costume. For the typical Domme, though, is wearing leather and sexy clothese a way for the woman to feel more attractive or a way for her to get into the swing of things (sort to speak). Am I the only one who wonders about this at all?


  1. I think the clothes make it more real. If you went out clubbing in sweats, you wouldn't feel flirty and fun, most likely. And if you had an appointment with an agent, you'd want to appear professional. So I can see where donning leather would both make a Domme feel more attractive and feel more like a Domme.

  2. I must say I take any chance I can to wear my black boots. But at home it's nice to have the pressure off and go any which way. It can set the scene to dress, but I believe it should all be about what works for the individuals. I like the idea of flexibility.

    Although leather kinks are very real things. If you're a Domme with a partner with a thing for women in leather, this may affect what you choose to wear. If you care to accomodate that is. Or maybe not. Domme's choice.

  3. Sounds like a fun research field trip. When is the next one? I'm there lol. Sexy clothes will draw attention and make the wearer feel beautiful & sexy. But you can look beautiful & sexy in most anything. It's all about attitude and confidence. Which you obviously had in that setting. V cool