Discovering My Inner Domme

As I work on my own story for the 1-800-DOM-help series, I've been reading a lot of BDSM stories, including the ones from the authors here, of course! I find I need to adjust my reading to suit what I write, otherwise I have modern-day heroes speaking Regency English. My editor has to point out, "I can't see him saying this".

As a rule, when I buy a story I look for male Doms. I tell myself it's because I''m a strong woman and I read for escape. I want to read about heroes who are more of a man than I am, LOL! (This is the premise for my heroine, too.)

Then I picked up Desriee Holt's Delight Me, which is due out on the 26th of this month. I barely got started reading about her sub heroine who realizes she's a Domme at heart, when I realized I loved what the heroine was feeling. "Hey, I could get into that," I thought.

And as I read, it became, "Yeah, I like that." I won't get into what I really loved, as that becomes TMI, but if you've always preferred your heroines submissive, you might find yourself switching as her heroine did. I guess reading the lifestyle can be much like living it. You never knew which side of the whip you belong on until you try them both!

The Shy Girls’ Guide to Finding Your Fetish

While surfing the Internet (when of course I was supposed to be writing!)…well, actually I was doing research for my next story (**wink wink**) I came across the most interesting site. A guide for shy women who deep down want to find their personal fetish.I found Emily Dubberly, the perfect person to be your guide. Dubberley has tested more than 500 sex toys, worked as a lube taster and engaged in any number of depraved activities in the name of study -- think sploshing, working as a dominatrix and attending an orgy. Yes, the lady has experience. Here are her tips for discovering a fetish (or rolling with the one that began when you watched "Secretary").
If you’re a bookworm, she says, you’re already ahead of the game. Just spice up your library with…well, spicy books. Read the stories. Look for what turns you on. Go ahead. You’re in your room by yourself so anything goes.
The next thing is to find a partner to try out your fetish with. Got a significant other you’ve been dying to make suggestions to? Your husband too predictable in bed and you want to shake him up? Gone to a munch where you met a guy you’d just love to tell about your fetish?
All good, as long as your partner is someone you trust.
Into bondage? Really, really think you’d like to give it a try? Enroll in a beginner’s class given by someone with good credentials. Again, the important words are safe and trust.
Want to just try a few things in the privacy of your own room? Check out the closest adult pleasure store. Trust me, no one will even pay attention to you browsing all the interesting items on display. They’re all busy studying what they want!!! Pick out what you like and take it home with you. Then it’s a matter of seeing what gives you the biggest sexual high, whether it’s stroking yourself with fur or using a toy you’ve never tried before.
But when making fantasy a reality, there are a few key rules, especially if you’re trying out your ideas with a partner. Don't be drunk, high or without a safe word. Your physical and mental health are at stake -- fetish acts can bring many underlying issues to the surface -- and you don't want that bottle of wine to mask any danger.
But the door to erotic enchantment is wide open to you. Go ahead. Open it. You’ll love what’s on the other side.
Come visit me at www.desireeholt.com
And check out all the books in the 1-800-DOMHelp series. You can find them at Ellora's Cave www.jasminejade.com

Fetish Friday: Puppy Play Gone Wrong?!

(The Puppy Play pride symbol)

No, not THAT kind of puppy play. Although perhaps another Friday.

No, I'm talking about an actual puppy, and not bestiality, either (because folks, that's just wrong, and I will judge you for that). See, in October my family acquired a lovely brindle Boxer/lab mix we call Boomer, and this puppy has required me to step up my toy security game in a big, big way.

Boomer dominating some rope.
He clearly has a thing for bondage equipment.

Not that my children are incurious--Lord knows they are into anything and everything--but they've grown up with pretty limited access to my bedroom. They know they really aren't supposed to be in there without a grownup, and so forth. I was lucky enough to think to establish that very early on, so it isn't even so much a rule as just a given.

Unfortunately, puppies don't understand those givens. And Boomer is pretty much in the process of eating...EVERYTHING. Seriously. Puppy world domination through ingestion is his very clear ultimate goal. And I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlord because he's cute, fuzzy and quickly learning how to behave more like a canine minion.

That strap USED to be padded...

However, I did not welcome the realization that he'd been sneaking under my bed and gnawing on things he found there. Things that are attached to the legs of the bed and usually cleverly hidden under the bedskirt when not in use. Things that have velcro and buckles and D-rings. Things that weren't exactly cheap. And I'm quite fond of those things.  Sadly I have two fewer of them now (well, one's probably still useable, but raggedy and thoroughly infused w/ puppy spit, so I'm not sure how sexy it'd feel to have it wrapped around my wrist or ankle).

This one only got chewed a little bit.
But it's still not too sexy :-(

Even better, my first discovery of this new habit of his came on Christmas Eve. When I had a house full of family. And he'd pulled the item in question all the way to the end of its tether--well out from under the bed--so he could chew it up out in the open. No, nobody happened to see it, I got to it first. But they could have.

My puppy almost outed me.

This has prompted me to be more careful to close that door, obviously. But it also made me think about how often my private bedroom practices are influenced by chaotic variables in the environment. Often these are restrictions (having young kids = no Liberator shapes; living in the suburbs = gotta keep the loud stuff to a minimum or the neighbors will look at us funny) but sometimes I think it's a spur to creativity, which is always a welcome thing in the budoir. It makes us work those problem-solving muscles, and helps move us in new directions.

How to keep the tethers and cuffs safe from Boomer's blandishments, but still have them readily accessible? It may mean we finally have to break down and get a proper bed (I want a chunky, modern platform bed with hidden eyehooks installed between the frame and the mattress). Money's tight, and we're handy and crafty folk, so there's the possibility we'll actually build something instead (once I get done with my fabulous steampunk ray gun gauntlet project!). This means we can customize it to meet our particular needs, to a greater extent than would likely be possible with a purchased and modified bed. And that whole building process could even inspire us to think up new...stuff to do.

So ultimately, the fact that the puppy chomped up my cuff could turn out to be a good thing. Unlike the issue of sex toy storage/hiding, which I could basically resolve on my own, this will require my husband and I to work together in finding a solution that could end up affecting our sexytimes in as-yet-unforeseen and potentially delightful ways! Time will tell.

Um...in the meantime, does anybody know where I can buy some  cuffs that come pre-infused with Bitter Apple taste?

Wednesday Whips: Laugh it Up!

When I write BDSM, when I think BDSM, I usually think about intense, sexy, edgy play between partners. Okay, it's not all whips and chains in my books. Sometimes it's clamps and hot wax instead (grin). But as between any type of sexual partners (caveat here that BDSM does not necessarily involve sex but is often sexually or sensually charged) the ability to laugh during play, particularly at oneself, is essential to healthy relationships. If plans for a scene go awry (and not in a bad, dangerous way, but more a fumbling mistake) Doms and subs and Tops and bottoms should all be able to laugh. Heck, if you have a tickling fetish you pretty much have to assume laughter in the scene. And just because a Dom carries a big whip, doesn't mean he or she must take themselves seriously all of the time. That the BDSM community can laugh at itself is wonderful. Laughter and humor are healthy, healing parts of life and human relationships. They balance out the seriousness of the other intensely charged moments.

In the spirit of laughter, here's the link to the most recent BDSM Bad Advice cartoon, a satire on topics in the BDSM community. The website and blog are quite popular with an active Twitter feed.

Finally, I'll commit to a small 2011 New Year's writing resolution and make sure there is laughter in some of the sexy, kinky scenes of my next books. Our best lovers are people who can make us laugh as well.

Tuesday Toys: Aids That Every Woman Appreciates

It is I, Ari, once again delving into the history of one of the best toys man has ever created - the vibrator. Admittedly, long before they were used to treat female hysteria, dildos and later vibrators were used by men, either on themselves or with male and/or female partners. But that’s a whole nuther story!

Early man obviously had his priorities straight. According to stone objects found by archeologists, the dildo predates wheel, dating to about 30,000 years ago! Manual labor sufficed until the mid-nineteenth century when steam, and later electrical vibrators were introduced.

At some point they became common household items and man realized woman was a lot nicer to be around when she was able to keep her hysteria under control. In the early twentieth century, manufacturers focused on electrical appliances to make a woman’s day easier.

Take a good look at this page from a 1918 Sears, Roebuck and Company catalog. In the center of the page you’ll find a Home Motor, designed to work with an assortment of hand-operated gadgets. The sewing machine, for example. Or buy your attachments, such as the egg beater, blender, buffer and grinder, or the personal vibrator with three different applicators!

“Not necessary to buy the complete vibrator {which is sold above the vibrator attachments} if you have the Home Motor”! I can just just picture the typical housewife, churning her milk, beating some eggs, knocking off a few "O"s then putting on the fan attachment so she'll be cool and smiling when her man comes home from work.

I wish they had infomercials back then. I would love to have seen the pitchman popping off the fan attachment and popping on a vibrator applicator. “It vibrates, it stimulates, it massages.” I’m sure he could come up with a few extra uses for the churn attachment, too. Just be careful not to try the grinder. Unless you’re into that kind of thing, of course!

I'll be back in two weeks with more silly, salacious bits of history to whet your appetite. In the meantime I'm going to try and find an inventor who can design a few "applicators" to work with my power tools. As Sears says, every woman would appreciate them.