Well, Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally

Okay, don't call me Sally. That's a hard limit. But there will be a certain amount of ass-smacking going on at RomantiCon 2011, and I for one can't wait (Perverse, I know...and hey, perverted! The two don't always overlap like that, so I call that a win). The occasion? The 1-800-DOM-help authors will be giving a presentation at the 'Con on "BDSM from Top to Bottom"...with demonstrations! And I volunteered to be the whipping girl, since that's the kind of girl I am. I volunteered pretty quickly and shamelessly, in fact. Rumors that I pushed other volunteers out of the way in my enthusiasm are entirely unsubstantiated, however. Nobody can prove a thing.

Thinking about this whole shindig recently prompted me to add "glutton for punishment" to my Twitter profile (I was totally talking about homeschooling my pre-teen but we'll just pretend it's about the whole smacking deal). Because I really am looking forward to it, particularly to finding out how a flogging feels when it's delivered by somebody OTHER than the person who's been delivering them for lo these many years. And it's also a very relaxing activity for me (no, seriously) although I don't know how relaxing I'll find it in front of a room full of people. I have no problem with public speaking, or with acting on a stage, but the only time I've ever done anything BDSM-related in public was in a stage production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (and I was portraying a naughty-schoolteacher dominatrix. Seriously).

My main concern in all this? Well, as I'm going to have the aforementioned roomful of people looking in the vicinity of my tush, my big worry is finding/borrowing a pair of pants that don't make my ass look weird and/or lumpy. Other than that I'm pretty cool with it.

As long as nobody actually calls me Sally.

Can an Alpha male be submissive?

Does an Alpha male truly lose control and power if he submits?

I got a chuckle out of Del's post here. I don't feel like a whip wielding she-wolf in boots and a corset. LOL

As I write Leather Becomes Her, my story is of a dominant woman meeting her submissive, but the submissive hero in the book is NOT a beta. My question is, can a man who is Alpha be submissive? Does submission change his role from Alpha to beta?


Alpha men can be macho to the world. You'd be surprised at how the power wielding men of society prefer to be brought down in private by submitting. (And some PAY professional Dominants to do it. It has nothing to do with sex, just submission.) They aren't less Alpha for doing it; their ability to submit makes them stronger. Imagine the lawyer in court fighting a hard case, arguing for his client, butting heads with judges, lawyers, police, etc. Every day, all day, long hours into late nights, week in and week out. They aren't out to please anyone. They want their way in all things. Win, win, win. These are men of sheer power and dominance--total Alpha males. Many times what does this kind of man wish for in private? Release. The joy of not making any decisions. Letting someone else take control and use him so he can relax. His only desire--to please a dominant figure (in my example, a Mistress).

So does submitting make an Alpha role switch to beta? (Urban Dictionary defines beta male as "An unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.")

I don't think submission makes an Alpha man weak. I know quite a few Alpha personalities, men and women, who enjoy submission. Submission doesn't make one weak. It takes a lot of strength to let go taboos, outward appearances and expectations.

Imagine the lawyer again, all conservative looking...strip off his outer layers (suit) and bare him naked. What do you see? Toned muscles? Tattoos? (Okay, my personal preference there...ahem.) He still looks macho yet he immediately feels vulnerable. Does he want to run? Yes. Will he? No. Why? Because he has strength to keep him there as his Mistress desires. His urge to please Her overwhelms everything else. He will take whatever She desires--whip to the back, spanking over the knee, bondage, clothespins to the cock and balls, cleaning her house, licking her feet, etc. He doesn't say no. He doesn't shove Her away. He wants to please Her. That takes strength!

Once his service is complete, he is once again in control. Wait? Did he really lose control? He was controlled by Her, but he had a choice. He remained subservient. Did he have to? No. Isn't his choice to remain at her feet really just internal control as opposed to external?

He was released from his worldy responsibilities and outer appearance as the dominant male of power. His external control was stripped away like the clothes from his body, however, he internalized his power and strength to serve his Mistress, whatever her desire.

So, in my opinion, an Alpha male remains Alpha. He never loses strength or control, he merely changes the focus from outward power and strength in succeeding (money, career, education, etc) to internal control from running away like a coward.

The pervasion of perversion

...meh. You're pretty but I just
don't want to do you.
Or even whip you or whatever.

(pic from Male Submission Art)

Much as I enjoy Mari's and Michelle's posts, I do find it interesting how many Dommes are flying their freak flags here at 1-800-DOM-help. My own wiring being quite the other way, I've been trying recently to figure out the Domme mindset and I think it just comes to this: to me, submissive men may be cute, may be adorable, may make me want to pinch their cheeks and rumple their hair a little...but I just don't want to have sex with them. Submissive girls either. Sorry ladies, I tried. On the other hand I am cheerfully queer for dominant gals, because it's the Dom-ness, not the equipment downstairs, that matters.

On the other hand,
yes please.

I got to thinking about this wiring thing while reading a mainstream review of a mainstream romance the other day, when the (I'm assuming vanilla) reviewer complained that the hero was neither Alpha nor beta. This cracked me up because let's face it, outside the bdsm world, most men aren't either of those things. They're just guys, they like to have sex, they might have some habits that tend one direction or the other but they're mostly just in the middle. And in the vanilla romance novel world, until recently, the only acceptable flavor for heroes seemed to be Alpha. Lately I've seen more beta heroes, and I wonder if this increase isn't somehow related to the influx of Dommes on the kinky romance side of things. Not so much causally related, but part of the same move toward accepting the full range of possibility when it comes to sexual preference. Because the horizons are opening up in Romancelandia, there's just a bit more of something for everyone out there. I find that awesome.

Even though this does result in vanilla reviewers giving us some WTF reviews, I can't complain.

Seriously though, y'all...where are the other subs? Because lately I feel a bit like the only lamb in a room full of (incredibly sexy, corseted, whip-wielding) wolves (in killer black boots). A potentially very, very happy lamb, mind you...but a little backup would be nice.

Hey, wait a minute...did somebody gag all the other subs? *attempts a stern glare*

A Gleeful Friday

God I miss Ann Richards...

This post comes from a lot of places for me. Geographically, it comes from the general vicinity of Houston, Texas. Sad to say I'm a bit disappointed in my state for this week which brought us such gems as the cheerleader now stuck with legal fees for having the nerve to sue the school that kicked her from the squad because she wouldn't cheer for her rapist, and the Houston Fox affiliate presenting a "discussion" about the latest Glee episode with such a decidedly anti-gay bias that GLAAD is demanding an apology. Oh, and let's not forget this lovely piece of intolerance, also in the Houston area.

The comments to stories like these inevitably include at least one "Why doesn't Texas secede already? Good riddance!" But y'all, there are tolerant people here too, and some of us thought that Glee episode (which also dealt with a character finally acknowledging a serious mental illness) was awesome. Glib, sure, and too tidy. Because it's TV, and TV is like that. But the theme for the week, and for the show in general, was still valid. Own your givens, the things you didn't ask for but were just handed in life. If you try to conceal them, whether from yourself or others, at some point they will come to own you; acknowledge them, and you can deal openly with them.

Not new information, but still awesome to see

The closing scene, a rousing rendition of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way", also features each Glee member wearing a self-made t-shirt with their unasked-for given/flaw/worst feature/challenge/etc. written on it. Kurt's says, in big bold letters, LIKES BOYS. Emma's, at long last, says OCD (the best t-shirts are Brittney and Santana's, but I digress).

In the real world, and as grownups, we would probably all need more than one shirt to do that sort of labeling job. But I know mine right now would be a toss-up between KINKY, READS AND WRITES TRASHY ROMANCE NOVELS, and CLINICAL DEPRESSION, I HAZ IT :-( . Okay, also SHORT but that's pretty much self-evident if you've ever met me. Only one of those is within my power to stop, in my opinion, and it's not "kinky". Which brings me to my question(s):

This is funny but not always true, by the way

Do you think kink is born or made? If you're into it, were your earliest sexual fantasies bound up in kink or D/s in some way (mine were)? Me, I think it's the wiring. Sometimes it can be changed, but for the most part you get what you get, and I wonder if there aren't a lot of unhappy folks out there who'll never quite know what the problem is, because they'll never admit to themselves that their shirt should read KINKY. Or because they never even realize that's an option available to them.

Okay, and also - what's on your shirt?

And while you're thinking about all that, watch this: Isn't Chris Colfer the most adorable thing ever?

Roses and Chains Release Day!

Yay! Woohoo! Roses and Chains, the next 1-800-DOM-help book, is out today! It's an M/f/f featuring a new male Dom and two female subs. This was my first menage, and I hope you enjoy reading it half as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The blurb:

Take one adorable suburban couple just starting to realize their D/s relationship isn't quite enough to satisfy. Add one cute and quirky sub who can't seem to find a Dom to suit her tastes. Place them in a room full of sex toys and candlelight, roses and chains...

And after a few smoking-hot nights of pleasure and exploration, all three might just find what they're looking for.

What's that? You'd like to read an excerpt? But of course (WARNING: it's a naughty, not-safe-for-work, grownups-only sort of excerpt...and it's an exclusive)!

AN EXCERPT FROM ROSES AND CHAINS

Copyright © DELPHINE DRYDEN, 2011

All Rights Reserved, Ellora's Cave Publishing, Inc.

Scenes in the main room at the club weren’t Mara Tyndall’s favorite thing. But they served their purpose.

Tonight, that purpose was to make her forget her very stupid recent attempt to date outside her flavor. He was Plain Vanilla, she was Rocky Road. She should have known it could never work.

“I think this side’s done. Time to turn you over and toast the other side, slutski.”

Mistress Amie was relentlessly perky. Her kitten-with-a-whip insouciance struck a particularly cruel note tonight, because she knew exactly why Mara was there. She knew what Mara needed. And in her relentless, perky, cruel way, she was not saying “I told you so.”

She was not saying it very loudly, with everything she did and every expression on her face.

“Fucking…cheerleader from hell,” Mara gasped as Mistress Amie loosened the leather cuffs around her ankles. For her sass she received a brisk slap on the upper thigh where the flogger marks were still flushing, blending into one blotchy pink map of the pain she’d endured thus far this evening. Mara groaned when the Mistress released the restraints around her wrists and she lowered her arms too suddenly.

“I can see we’re not quite there yet. Okay, stretch it out then face the cross.”

Amie really did sound as if she were leading an exercise class. Which was appropriate, because she was a Pilates instructor and personal trainer. The kind who made a lot of money making wealthy people hate her guts, but love the results she helped them achieve. After all, Amie was an expert at getting people to take more pain than they ever thought they could tolerate.

Mara knew the heights Amie could inspire her to. They had spent close to a year, off and on, exploring those heights, and although her mind might resist returning, her body was already responding all too eagerly to the cheerful Mistress’s wicked ministrations.

“And now,” Mistress Amie chirped, shackling the leather back into place as Mara inspected the top crotch of the St. Andrew’s cross she was now facing, “let’s work that rear.”

The paint’s chipping. Tad needs to touch this thing up.

“Count off.”

The flogger cracked against her butt and she reflexively shouted, “One!” before her brain caught up. “How high, Mistress?”

“I’ll let you know. You know math isn’t really my thing, sweetcheeks.”

“Two!” Against the upper thigh.

“Three!” Really hard across the shoulders.

The unpredictability slowly lost its edge, ceased to engage her mind and instead forced her to relax, to accept that there would be a blow, that she wouldn’t know where the pain would land next. She was buffeted this way and that, just a leaf, and Amie’s flogger was the wind.

“Do you need to come?” The chipper, smug voice in her ear was accompanied by a surprisingly gentle hand that traced the line of her spine from neck to ass. “Hmm? You want me to make you come for me, Mara?”

The hand dipped lower, following the curve of one cheek, ending up cupping the top of one inner thigh. Amie wouldn’t touch her pussy unless Mara asked for it. Tonight was just a favor, and an orgasm would be another favor. Another reason for Amie to avoid saying “I told you so”.

But she needed it too much. She needed to come, in order to feel as if the scene was over for the evening. Submitting to her own needs was more important than submitting to Amie. It took more humility.

She nodded.

“No. You know better. Say it.”

“Please make me come.”

“No. You know what I need to hear, slut.” Amie paused then added more quietly, “You know what you need to say.”

“Mistress. I need to come, please make me come, Mistress.”

Fettered Love - The Preview

Thanks, thanks, thanks to our lovely Delphine Dryden for creating the brand new video book trailer for Fettered Love. It features so much awesomeness. Watch! Now!





Safe, sane and consensual,

Michelle

Fetish Friday: A Fetish too Far?

I'm pretty sure I can't top the whale penis post, sadly. But a discussion on our author group has led me to consider a little fetish philosophy. Specifically, when is a fetish just too much for even the most open-minded kinkster to accept as within the realm of "okay"?

Not in the "this should be outlawed" sense, of course. Consenting adults can do whatever they like, alone or in combinations, and as long as they don't expect or try to compel me to watch them, and we're not talking about consensual snuff or something, I really do not care. However, everybody has a limit somewhere, a personal notion of what they themselves don't even like to ponder. A squick, in short.

I've done things that would probably make a lot of vanilla people's skin crawl, and I know about plenty of other things that I wouldn't do personally but totally understand. Needle play, for instance. Chain flogging. Extreme predicament suspensions. Puppy play. Not my personal kinks, but I understand the spectrum on which these options exist. More pain, more endorphins, more power exchange, more subspace...if that's what you need to get there, I understand. Go forth, puppies and piercers, and do your various things.

But a fetish I personally cannot get behind/past is the furry thing. If you do it, fine. Again, as long as I don't have to watch it. But I admit I do sort of judge. I've read about it, watched stuff, etc. about it...but I don't get it, and it trips my weirdometer into the red zone. I think maybe my brain just isn't wired to understand it. Although the first time I heard about lifestyle D/s I didn't get that (the Master in question was in fact a total asshole with big boundary issues, so I suspect that had a lot to do with it). And look at me now!

So what's yours? I've shown you mine. What's the one fetish or kink that just plain squicks you out, that you can't get past no matter what?

Fetish Friday: Animal Threesomes

Hi folks, Delphine checking in late this Friday...since Francesca was feeling poorly I pulled a topic off the shelf and jumped in! And right away I have to apologize in advance; this post will include references, both textual and visual, to whale penises. If that prospect distresses you, move along now because this shit is about to get real.

So, have you ever heard somebody try to argue that some sexual practices like, say, threesomes, are unnatural? Puh-lease. Y'all, the next time that old argument arises, just refer that woefully misinformed to this, and remember it must be true because IT IS SCIENCE.

Yes, that's right, that's an article about not only whale penises--a pretty damned spectacular topic in itself for obvious reasons--but about a documented m/m/f whale threesome.

Yes, that's right. It's a whale schlong.

That's a lot to ponder, so let's take it one element at a time. The picture on the left, which  I shamelessly cribbed from that linked article, is of a relatively small (killer) whale penis. That one's small, remember.

After you've taken a moment to compose yourself, consider the additional fact that the whale's penis is very flexible and often the mating occurs with the female belly-up and the male snaking the penis up over her side to penetrate her.

So far, so good. They are whales, and they can have sorta whale-like missionary-position sex. But wait! There's more!

At least one more, to be precise. One more whale dude. Or at least on occasion. As scientists have documented, sometimes two males penetrate the female simultaneously. And while I'm not sure just how I'd feel about that given that they are sharing one orifice with their humungous equipment...well, the female whale does not seem to be complaining. Click the link if you'd like to see the pictures. Go on, take a minute. You know you want to (those are Right whales, by the way...and their penises are about three times the one of that orca in the picture up there).

I especially like the picture with arrows and circles, thoughtfully provided in case you were unable to tell exactly where the two enormous whale penises were in the unlabeled picture.

Folks, whales have threesomes. Whales are mammals, just like humans. They are smart mammals, too. Well, obviously. But the real point here is that animals get up to all sorts of sexual hijinks and they aren't hindered by notions of what is or isn't "natural". To them, truly, the only unnatural acts are the ones they cannot perform. Whales indulge in menages, monkeys are sometimes gay for each other, the animals pretty much have it all going on despite the feeble arguments about what is and isn't "natural". And like it or not, people are animals too.

So go forth and enjoy that menage, or celebrate your friend's marriage to his boyfriend, or relish the sting of a friendly riding crop...and if anybody challenges your choice, just link them to the article above. At the very least, they are unlikely to ever argue with you about it again.

Feel better soon, Francesca, as your talents are sorely needed here...your post probably would have been much better thought-out and not nearly so laden with images we cannot unsee. 

Fetish Friday: Puppy Play Gone Wrong?!

(The Puppy Play pride symbol)

No, not THAT kind of puppy play. Although perhaps another Friday.

No, I'm talking about an actual puppy, and not bestiality, either (because folks, that's just wrong, and I will judge you for that). See, in October my family acquired a lovely brindle Boxer/lab mix we call Boomer, and this puppy has required me to step up my toy security game in a big, big way.

Boomer dominating some rope.
He clearly has a thing for bondage equipment.

Not that my children are incurious--Lord knows they are into anything and everything--but they've grown up with pretty limited access to my bedroom. They know they really aren't supposed to be in there without a grownup, and so forth. I was lucky enough to think to establish that very early on, so it isn't even so much a rule as just a given.

Unfortunately, puppies don't understand those givens. And Boomer is pretty much in the process of eating...EVERYTHING. Seriously. Puppy world domination through ingestion is his very clear ultimate goal. And I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlord because he's cute, fuzzy and quickly learning how to behave more like a canine minion.

That strap USED to be padded...

However, I did not welcome the realization that he'd been sneaking under my bed and gnawing on things he found there. Things that are attached to the legs of the bed and usually cleverly hidden under the bedskirt when not in use. Things that have velcro and buckles and D-rings. Things that weren't exactly cheap. And I'm quite fond of those things.  Sadly I have two fewer of them now (well, one's probably still useable, but raggedy and thoroughly infused w/ puppy spit, so I'm not sure how sexy it'd feel to have it wrapped around my wrist or ankle).

This one only got chewed a little bit.
But it's still not too sexy :-(

Even better, my first discovery of this new habit of his came on Christmas Eve. When I had a house full of family. And he'd pulled the item in question all the way to the end of its tether--well out from under the bed--so he could chew it up out in the open. No, nobody happened to see it, I got to it first. But they could have.

My puppy almost outed me.

This has prompted me to be more careful to close that door, obviously. But it also made me think about how often my private bedroom practices are influenced by chaotic variables in the environment. Often these are restrictions (having young kids = no Liberator shapes; living in the suburbs = gotta keep the loud stuff to a minimum or the neighbors will look at us funny) but sometimes I think it's a spur to creativity, which is always a welcome thing in the budoir. It makes us work those problem-solving muscles, and helps move us in new directions.

How to keep the tethers and cuffs safe from Boomer's blandishments, but still have them readily accessible? It may mean we finally have to break down and get a proper bed (I want a chunky, modern platform bed with hidden eyehooks installed between the frame and the mattress). Money's tight, and we're handy and crafty folk, so there's the possibility we'll actually build something instead (once I get done with my fabulous steampunk ray gun gauntlet project!). This means we can customize it to meet our particular needs, to a greater extent than would likely be possible with a purchased and modified bed. And that whole building process could even inspire us to think up new...stuff to do.

So ultimately, the fact that the puppy chomped up my cuff could turn out to be a good thing. Unlike the issue of sex toy storage/hiding, which I could basically resolve on my own, this will require my husband and I to work together in finding a solution that could end up affecting our sexytimes in as-yet-unforeseen and potentially delightful ways! Time will tell.

Um...in the meantime, does anybody know where I can buy some  cuffs that come pre-infused with Bitter Apple taste?

Fetish Friday: Liberate Me!

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Fetish Friday: Storing the Things that Make us Sweat

With talk of fetishes comes talk of objects, and while your fetish may be for some commonplace item that doesn’t require hiding, you can probably still appreciate the fear of something like this happening: 

Oh, toys. Toys, toys, toys! They are so much fun, and I have spent way too much money on them in the past few years (research, of course!). But once you start adding several different types of toy, multiple flavors of lube, and big coils of rope to the mix, things get a little hard to store. Whether it’s latex garb, whips-n-cuffs, your favorite dildo or that costly e-stim kit, it all takes up space and most of us do not have the luxury of dedicated secure playrooms in our homes. We need storage that gets our sexytime accessories out of the way in a discreet, convenient way so that it is accessible to us but hidden from view - and specifically, for some of us, hidden from the children. Because if there’s one thing I do not want, it’s my six-year-old locating a few of my favorite things and asking me to explain them. Or a relative mistaking any of them for a flashlight if the lights go out at a dinner party. And then asking me to explain them.

Contents: Classified

So I have come up with some practical solutions. A very boring “decorative” miniature wooden trunk that sits on my dresser, filled with little silk bags and other wrappings I’ve acquired to keep all my precious investments safe from dust and the casual glance. It even has a cute little hasp so I can lock it if I feel the need. Oh, and there’s also a box of rope lengths, hiding in plain sight in my closet among the boots (what…doesn’t everybody keep 100-plus feet of nicely conditioned hemp rope in the master bedroom closet?). 

One of these things is not like the others

But there is also my fantasy set of potential solutions, the ones I would adopt if my budget were just a wee bit larger. And it is these solutions I want to discuss today. Solutions that were designed specifically for this purpose. 

As you probably know if you have any number of sex-related toys at all, there are some concerns with storing this kind of gear. The environment must be clean, dry and lint-free. Washability is a big plus, cleanability is a must. And ideally each toy must have its own compartment or wrapper - in particular, silicon toys must not be stored in contact with other silicon toys or substances, or the toys can “melt” or degrade. This is not only an aesthetic concern but a safety issue as well, so it is very important to be able to sequester each toy in whatever storage arrangement you use. And it’s nice to have room for toys plus lube, cleaners, and all the other accessories you may have accumulated, so it’s all in one handy place.

Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox

If money isn’t an object, there are some great hard-sided lockable cases on the market with adjustable compartments, designed specifically for sex toys. The Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox is a nice example. A case like this is discreet - it looks like a camera case or similar - and allows you to store a wide variety of toys in clean, adjustable compartments. It has a shield to protect (potentially) wet contents like lube from spilling on other contents. Tunti’s box is also illuminated when open, a very nice touch for when you’re working in low-light environments. No fear of grabbing the wrong flogger if you’re storing the playthings in one of these! 

Not flashy, but functional & cost-effective

If your needs aren’t quite as extensive, however, there are also a lot of smaller lockable cases out there with varying degrees of adjustability; check out Fruits of Eden for some nice cases in various colors at many different price points. Or go hunting for a hard-sided camera case with adaptable foam dividers. 

Sneaky! I like it! 

If locking isn’t as great a concern as hiding, and portability isn't an issue, one of the most clever ideas out there for a reasonably low cost is the Sneaky Sack. This bag is sneaky indeed - you hang it on a clothes hanger and then hang a shirt or jacket over it, hiding it effectively from all but the most sophisticated seekers. The Sneaky Sack has three large pockets but no other internal compartments, so you may still need to consider some individual bags to separate and organize your toys inside it. Sugar Saks are simple, attractive and pre-treated with an antimicrobial process. Zomi bags (by the Liberator company, about which I hope to blog at length another day) are sturdy, waterproof, zippered and available in a wide variety of colors. These are also great options for travel, or for storing things in a dresser or nightstand drawer.

If you’re looking for a more budget-friendly way to separate individual toys, of course, you can easily find small zippered makeup bags or - my personal favorite - drawstring fabric gift bags. If you opt for an organza or mesh style, do try to find bags with a fairly tightly woven mesh, nothing that might allow silicon objects to melt each other if the bags are adjacent.  

For some, of course, inquisitive little kid fingers and eyes aren’t the big concern for toy storage - it’s a question of general discretion, not the threat of active prying. Sportsheets (another company that is a blog topic unto itself!) still makes their Hide Your Vibe pillow, which may not hold your entire toy kit but can let you keep a few high-priority items close at hand. One downside to this pillow is that the color choices are limited - and not subtle. You will likely need to find another cover if you want to match your decor, unless your decor involves animal prints or the color pink.  

Not that roomy, but damn it's classy

A fairly new product that is possibly the classiest, most discreet thing I’ve ever seen in the way of sex toy storage is the Toitissue, a sleek wooden box with an inch of camouflaging facial tissue storage in the top and a secret sliding drawer beneath for your toys. Or your stash. Or your cashmere sock full of money. It even has a secret lock! There’s also the standard Toibocks, the company’s original toy storage product, which masquerades as a jewelry box; however, the illusion is not quite as strong as with the tissue dispenser.

I’m sure there are other marvelous options out there, and I would love to hear about them! How do you keep your private playthings private?

Fetish Friday: Safe Search is OFF.

“The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”

- Alfred Kinsey

If you’d told me ten or even five years ago that I would ever be composing a blog post with the theme “Fetish Friday” I would have definitely asked for some of whatever you were smoking. But then again, if you’d told me five years ago that I would be celebrating my fifth book release, I’d have started demanding your keys and finding you a designated driver. And yet here I am, backlist under my belt, fixing to write a little something about fetishes. Or as one of our happy, kinky crew here at 1-800-DOM-help describes them, “the things that make us sweat”! 

We all know Rule 34 of the Internet (whatever it is, there is porn of it). Think of anything - anything at all - and not only is somebody somewhere turned on by it, but there is probably a discussion group or forum devoted entirely to that subject. Heck, there may even be a national convention. People who like to have sex wearing bunny slippers. People who like to have sex with bunny slippers. People who like to have sex (or perhaps even live their day-to-day lives) dressed up in full-on bunny suits. It's all out there, and so much more [Do not even get me started on the growing prevalence of tentacle porn and eel-related fetish videos. Oh, and by the way, you do not ever want to see my browser history]. 

The point is, people are turned on by all sorts of different things. Just about anything can be the focus of a fetish. If it’s something other than a typical sex toy (dildos and vibrators don’t count as fetish objects, no matter how we may adore them) and you are aroused by it, then it may be at the center of a sexual fetish. If you can't get aroused without it, of course, you know for sure. 

Of course the downside of all this variety is that people can develop fetishes centered around some very unsafe objects and/or activities (you’ll notice I’m not providing links to any of those). And for some people the focus on a sexual fetish can develop into a genuine paraphilic disorder (a fetish gone bad, essentially) if it’s causing them distress or causing others harm. 

But in a safe, sane, consensual environment, within the bounds of the law, exploring the world of fetishes can be good, clean or perhaps exquisitely dirty fun. And whether your interest is just casually kinky or truly focused, learning more about fetishes in general can teach you to see the entire world in a whole new light. Think outside the box. You may have sexual tastes you didn’t even know about! And even if you don’t, you can sure have a heck of a lot of fun finding out.

So stock up on condoms and lube, make sure your Safe Search is set to “Off,” and let your imagination soar. Or put on bunny slippers. Or roll around in chocolate pudding. Or cruise the produce aisle. 

Just please leave the eels out of it. 

What is the most unusual or intriguing fetish you've read about or come across? Let us know in the comments!