Friday, November 19, 2010

Fetish Friday: Storing the Things that Make us Sweat

With talk of fetishes comes talk of objects, and while your fetish may be for some commonplace item that doesn’t require hiding, you can probably still appreciate the fear of something like this happening: 

Oh, toys. Toys, toys, toys! They are so much fun, and I have spent way too much money on them in the past few years (research, of course!). But once you start adding several different types of toy, multiple flavors of lube, and big coils of rope to the mix, things get a little hard to store. Whether it’s latex garb, whips-n-cuffs, your favorite dildo or that costly e-stim kit, it all takes up space and most of us do not have the luxury of dedicated secure playrooms in our homes. We need storage that gets our sexytime accessories out of the way in a discreet, convenient way so that it is accessible to us but hidden from view - and specifically, for some of us, hidden from the children. Because if there’s one thing I do not want, it’s my six-year-old locating a few of my favorite things and asking me to explain them. Or a relative mistaking any of them for a flashlight if the lights go out at a dinner party. And then asking me to explain them.
Contents: Classified
So I have come up with some practical solutions. A very boring “decorative” miniature wooden trunk that sits on my dresser, filled with little silk bags and other wrappings I’ve acquired to keep all my precious investments safe from dust and the casual glance. It even has a cute little hasp so I can lock it if I feel the need. Oh, and there’s also a box of rope lengths, hiding in plain sight in my closet among the boots (what…doesn’t everybody keep 100-plus feet of nicely conditioned hemp rope in the master bedroom closet?). 
One of these things is not like the others

But there is also my fantasy set of potential solutions, the ones I would adopt if my budget were just a wee bit larger. And it is these solutions I want to discuss today. Solutions that were designed specifically for this purpose. 
As you probably know if you have any number of sex-related toys at all, there are some concerns with storing this kind of gear. The environment must be clean, dry and lint-free. Washability is a big plus, cleanability is a must. And ideally each toy must have its own compartment or wrapper - in particular, silicon toys must not be stored in contact with other silicon toys or substances, or the toys can “melt” or degrade. This is not only an aesthetic concern but a safety issue as well, so it is very important to be able to sequester each toy in whatever storage arrangement you use. And it’s nice to have room for toys plus lube, cleaners, and all the other accessories you may have accumulated, so it’s all in one handy place.
Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox
If money isn’t an object, there are some great hard-sided lockable cases on the market with adjustable compartments, designed specifically for sex toys. The Tunti Illuminating Budoir Toybox is a nice example. A case like this is discreet - it looks like a camera case or similar - and allows you to store a wide variety of toys in clean, adjustable compartments. It has a shield to protect (potentially) wet contents like lube from spilling on other contents. Tunti’s box is also illuminated when open, a very nice touch for when you’re working in low-light environments. No fear of grabbing the wrong flogger if you’re storing the playthings in one of these! 
Not flashy, but functional & cost-effective
If your needs aren’t quite as extensive, however, there are also a lot of smaller lockable cases out there with varying degrees of adjustability; check out Fruits of Eden for some nice cases in various colors at many different price points. Or go hunting for a hard-sided camera case with adaptable foam dividers. 
Sneaky! I like it! 
If locking isn’t as great a concern as hiding, and portability isn't an issue, one of the most clever ideas out there for a reasonably low cost is the Sneaky Sack. This bag is sneaky indeed - you hang it on a clothes hanger and then hang a shirt or jacket over it, hiding it effectively from all but the most sophisticated seekers. The Sneaky Sack has three large pockets but no other internal compartments, so you may still need to consider some individual bags to separate and organize your toys inside it. Sugar Saks are simple, attractive and pre-treated with an antimicrobial process. Zomi bags (by the Liberator company, about which I hope to blog at length another day) are sturdy, waterproof, zippered and available in a wide variety of colors. These are also great options for travel, or for storing things in a dresser or nightstand drawer.
If you’re looking for a more budget-friendly way to separate individual toys, of course, you can easily find small zippered makeup bags or - my personal favorite - drawstring fabric gift bags. If you opt for an organza or mesh style, do try to find bags with a fairly tightly woven mesh, nothing that might allow silicon objects to melt each other if the bags are adjacent.  
For some, of course, inquisitive little kid fingers and eyes aren’t the big concern for toy storage - it’s a question of general discretion, not the threat of active prying. Sportsheets (another company that is a blog topic unto itself!) still makes their Hide Your Vibe pillow, which may not hold your entire toy kit but can let you keep a few high-priority items close at hand. One downside to this pillow is that the color choices are limited - and not subtle. You will likely need to find another cover if you want to match your decor, unless your decor involves animal prints or the color pink.  
Not that roomy, but damn it's classy
A fairly new product that is possibly the classiest, most discreet thing I’ve ever seen in the way of sex toy storage is the Toitissue, a sleek wooden box with an inch of camouflaging facial tissue storage in the top and a secret sliding drawer beneath for your toys. Or your stash. Or your cashmere sock full of money. It even has a secret lock! There’s also the standard Toibocks, the company’s original toy storage product, which masquerades as a jewelry box; however, the illusion is not quite as strong as with the tissue dispenser.
I’m sure there are other marvelous options out there, and I would love to hear about them! How do you keep your private playthings private?


  1. Great topic. Love the Steve Martin clip. I haven't gotten my act together yet on this subject. We have a set of very high reaching set in to the wall top cabinets above our closets in our bedroom. They stretch against one entire wall with a lot of space. But it's a bit too disorganized in there. I'm hoping to get a lockable designer trunk of my own one day--stylish and secure.

  2. Great post! I was literally just thinking about this yesterday because I was blogging at Flirty Author Bitches and the theme was "Thanksgiving's Coming - Hide the Sex Toys!" lol I love the pics and the solutions you gave. I really need to get serious about storage now that our son is mobile. I love the idea of hanging a bag in the closet with a shirt over it! Ingenious! *runs to closet*

  3. Michelle - I got my current trunk (bigger than it looks - that's a big honkin' TV it's next to) at Garden Ridge. So not designer, but definitely cheap - another good option there is those book-styled boxes. But I wish I had cabinets, that sounds so much easier. And also good for hiding Christmas presents. Hmm.

    Shoshanna - I'll have to go read your post! LOL love the title. So true. I'm glad we don't host T'giving at our house! Of course you don't have to have an actual Sneaky Sack to do the closet trick. You can use a cloth tote, anything like that where the handles are long enough that the top of the bag doesn't show over the coat's collar. A recyclable fabric grocery bag and one of those hangers w/ the little hooks works great for that. And it should be proof against toddler investigation for awhile as long as you put it on a high clothes rail.