Last Wednesday before going to bed to face what I knew to be a hectic Thanksgiving, I whispered into my husband’s ear a plan for Friday night. I had worked out a scene while baking pies, something new, something exciting, something that needed time to play out well. I whispered because we were still downstairs. I was heading to bed, but he stays up later and I couldn’t wait to share it with him. I also couldn’t let the kids hear what I was saying. Anyway, I knew he needed some fun to look forward to as we were having most of my family over, and they tend to rub him a little raw. Sex, or the promise of it, is always an excellent way to distract a man. Unfortunately, half way through dinner, my throat started hurting and by Friday, I was flat on my back with whatever virus had felled my children the week before. No play for us! I’m still kind of sniffling and coughing over my keyboard.
My husband always teases me about being a planner. In every aspect of our lives, I like to plot and plan for the next few days, weeks, months, years. It keeps me centered and focused, and I think this tendency serves me particularly well when it comes to sex. While vanilla sex can be done more spontaneously (and can be quite a treat after a long day), I’ve always believed that kink needs to be thought out. We need props and scenes and let’s face it, if we’re not careful, someone can get hurt or at least feel a little worse for the wear. What with careers and kids, time is at a premium anyway for most couples. I think the kinky couple has it that much harder. Is there a way to be both spontaneous and kinky? Maybe it’s me, the control freak planner, that has trouble just jumping in. I’d love to hear from others. I’d love to find a way to be more flexible. I’m just not sure it’s possible.