Friday, February 4, 2011

Fetish Friday: Animal Threesomes

Hi folks, Delphine checking in late this Friday...since Francesca was feeling poorly I pulled a topic off the shelf and jumped in! And right away I have to apologize in advance; this post will include references, both textual and visual, to whale penises. If that prospect distresses you, move along now because this shit is about to get real.

So, have you ever heard somebody try to argue that some sexual practices like, say, threesomes, are unnatural? Puh-lease. Y'all, the next time that old argument arises, just refer that woefully misinformed to this, and remember it must be true because IT IS SCIENCE.

Yes, that's right, that's an article about not only whale penises--a pretty damned spectacular topic in itself for obvious reasons--but about a documented m/m/f whale threesome.

Yes, that's right. It's a whale schlong.
That's a lot to ponder, so let's take it one element at a time. The picture on the left, which  I shamelessly cribbed from that linked article, is of a relatively small (killer) whale penis. That one's small, remember.

After you've taken a moment to compose yourself, consider the additional fact that the whale's penis is very flexible and often the mating occurs with the female belly-up and the male snaking the penis up over her side to penetrate her.

So far, so good. They are whales, and they can have sorta whale-like missionary-position sex. But wait! There's more!

At least one more, to be precise. One more whale dude. Or at least on occasion. As scientists have documented, sometimes two males penetrate the female simultaneously. And while I'm not sure just how I'd feel about that given that they are sharing one orifice with their humungous equipment...well, the female whale does not seem to be complaining. Click the link if you'd like to see the pictures. Go on, take a minute. You know you want to (those are Right whales, by the way...and their penises are about three times the one of that orca in the picture up there).

I especially like the picture with arrows and circles, thoughtfully provided in case you were unable to tell exactly where the two enormous whale penises were in the unlabeled picture.

Folks, whales have threesomes. Whales are mammals, just like humans. They are smart mammals, too. Well, obviously. But the real point here is that animals get up to all sorts of sexual hijinks and they aren't hindered by notions of what is or isn't "natural". To them, truly, the only unnatural acts are the ones they cannot perform. Whales indulge in menages, monkeys are sometimes gay for each other, the animals pretty much have it all going on despite the feeble arguments about what is and isn't "natural". And like it or not, people are animals too.

So go forth and enjoy that menage, or celebrate your friend's marriage to his boyfriend, or relish the sting of a friendly riding crop...and if anybody challenges your choice, just link them to the article above. At the very least, they are unlikely to ever argue with you about it again.

Feel better soon, Francesca, as your talents are sorely needed here...your post probably would have been much better thought-out and not nearly so laden with images we cannot unsee. 

8 comments:

  1. So rarely do I look for vindication that diverse sexual behavior is all natural in the form of whales. You've opened my eyes, Del, and I thank you. Next time my family takes a whale watching trip I will be checking extra hard for hijiinks. Kind of makes the prospect more interesting. Feel better Francesca.

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  2. Why do I foresee a whole new sub genre of whale shifter sex?

    *you know you want to write one*

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  3. Michelle, I think it also opens ones eyes to a whole new level of writing stuff off as "research". Heh. "Ma'am, you've been to the zoo every day this week, and you're starting to make the monkeys nervous." "It's okay, Mr. Zoo Manager. I'm doing research!"

    And Christine, you mean you didn't know? Rule 34. It's already out there. I've even read at least one example. Well, dolphin shifter sex, anyway, but they are very small whales (not nearly as well-hung as the Right whale). And I think I have quite enough to write already, what with the steampunk smut and the polyamory and the good old-fashioned spanking fics, thank you very much. YOU can write some whale!shifter sex!

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  4. You know, I have a relative that works at a zoo. I think my future zoo trips will now take on a new level of attention.

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  5. No. No, Del. I could absolutely NOT provided a better blog post. This was...highly educational.

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  6. Isn't nature grand? Del, I fell off my chair on this one. LOL!!! Love it. Apparently, Mother Nature isn't wagging her finger at the whales or other animals when it comes to having a good time.

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  7. Thanks for the educational chuckle, Del!

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  8. Thanks for the chuckles, Delphine! Great post and food for thought....whale shifters, hmmmm

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