Sunday, February 27, 2011

Power Dynamics of the Male Stripper

Last night I went to a strip club as I do whenever I am out of town and looking for a little fun. As it happens, I was in San Antonio visiting Desiree Holt and Allie Standifer. I dragged Allie to a few hours of sin and sitting there watching the guys on stage and how the women in the club interacted with them, we remarked on the dynamics. Strippers by trade are providing a service, a pretty show to arouse the women in the audience. One of the things I love about strip clubs is how as a Domme I can exercise a little control over a sexy boy without breaking a sweat or breaking my marriage vows. My dear husband knows well how hot and bothered I am after my clubbing experiences. I get some fun; he gets some hot sex.

When I pay a stripper for a lap dance, it's a power play. I know that he's going to do what pleases me (within limits, of course) because I am paying him to do so. I'm okay with the obvious exchange of consideration. I know most women like the fantasy of these guys being hot for them. I know that's not true and I don't want it to be. I want to be in control. I need to be in control. You all know that about me by now.

Here's the thing, male strippers are very alpha male on the stage and during the lap dance. They direct the women's hands and position. I'm sure much of that is to make sure the women have fun and come back for more. I'm content to let him take the reins because it's his body and I understand the idea of consensual. I don't want to touch him in any way or any place that he doesn't want. So I let them take the lead. I give him that control for reasons that are probably not the same as other women.

I know, however, that the boys see it differently. What a strange thing for them to be doing - shaking their ass and their thangs in front of a bunch of women, objectifying themselves. Not the stuff guys are raised to think of as manly, not the way women are taught to flaunt their beauty and arouse men. So, how do these guys cope with their profession? Well Allie and I agree that they try to be as alpha as they can, controlling the women paying them to perform.

I've been in lots of strip clubs and have seen this all before. Allie was a first timer but confirmed that she sees it too. There is a lot of grabbing of ass, pulling of hair, bending over, spanking, shows with handcuffs and blindfolds. All of this is what the strippers do to the women holding up their dollar bills (please note, giving a five gets you a lot more attention). This is not what a Domme wants to see. When a woman having a birthday is up there getting spanked, all I can think is that I want it the other way around. Not going to happen. These guys need the illusion of control and the women need the illusion of a guy taking command. Okay, it's not really an illusion at all as the women are letting the guys control them.

I've seen the rise of the male strip clubs over the years and there are now a lot of younger women, dressed to the nines, waving their dollar bills. Obviously women are into the sexuality of it almost as much as men. It will never be the same, however, until the day comes that women will go to a strip club on their lunch hour! Still, the gender roles persist. Even the older women like to be treated like a princess for a few minutes. How many of them are like me and prefer to be the queen in command, I can't tell. I do know that I am sensitive to the guys' feelings. I try to bank my natural desire to issue orders, let them put my hands and my body where they want them and I get a little chance to feel some hard, smooth bodies. Inside, though, the Domme that I am is having a very different kind of fantasy than I think they imagine.

And, what are the boys thinking as they gyrate over and around my body? I believe they are thinking about March Madness. Allie believes they are counting up their tips to see if they can afford new rims.

Please note, they are never aroused!

If you've never been to a strip club, go. At least go if you are a Domme. There is visceral pleasure for sure, but there's considerable entertainment just watching how the people relate to each other.



  1. *waves from over in Houston* Hey y'all! Have you noticed the high percentage of Texans in this group?

    Awesome post, Samantha. You know, I find it interesting you have this take on male strippers, because it's similar to mine even though I'm a sub. I don't find male strippers sexy (neither do I find--sorry, guys, nothing personal, I think you're all just cute as betsy bugs--the Cavemen sexy). I find them aesthetically appealing in a way. But they really don't do it for me. Because although they may be the very model of the big, strong alpha male in a lot of people's minds, I know in my soul that a guy who needs to use his physical strength to control a person isn't a Dom. A pretty face and bulging biceps do not a true Alpha male make.

    Now, I say that, yet I confess my husband used to model in his youth, and he's big and strong as an ox. But back in his heyday, I never thought very much of him (I knew him for years before we dated). He was just this pretty hunk, and I assumed there wasn't much THERE there. It never occurred to me we'd end up together. Turned out, of course, he was all there and then some. But I find him infinitely more attractive now (even with the middle-aged computer-chair physique) than I did back when he got paid to be pretty.

    Because it's always what's between the ears that appeals. I guess my kind of sexy just doesn't translate well to strip clubs. Or book covers. Probably I'd be thrilled to the point of embarrassment at, like, a chess tournament (their brains are SO BIG).

  2. Great post, Samantha! And I agree about your take on the male strippers. It was interesting trying out a lap dance, but not such a turn on. Not because it was the man in control, which I also respect his right to do in these circumstances. Probably more to Del's point. It's hard to get turned on by a hot body without knowing something about what is between his ears. Not necessarily that he must be a rocket scientist. More a living, breathing person and personality. Control is a wonderful thing to take, but not from someone I don't care about.

  3. Sam, I have got to party with you sometime. Next time we're in the same city and you go to a strip club, please let me tag along. LOL

    As to the dynamics...I like pretty. I guess I'm a shallow woman. Or maybe I have a guy mentality. But I like a hunky guy and I always have. I know they aren't into ME, but damn I can enjoy the view. And if someone gave me a lap dance, well, I can enjoy the touch too. Maybe I'm just weird. Or maybe I'm more visual than the average woman. Don't know. But since I'm a strip club virgin, I'd love to have fun watching a show. Grin.

    On a personal level, yeah a guy needs to have something going on upstairs (between the ears) to be really interesting. But even if a guy's as dumb as a post, if he's pretty I'm going to enjoy the eye candy for as long as it lasts.