Thursday, February 10, 2011

Fetish Friday: A Fetish too Far?

I'm pretty sure I can't top the whale penis post, sadly. But a discussion on our author group has led me to consider a little fetish philosophy. Specifically, when is a fetish just too much for even the most open-minded kinkster to accept as within the realm of "okay"?

Not in the "this should be outlawed" sense, of course. Consenting adults can do whatever they like, alone or in combinations, and as long as they don't expect or try to compel me to watch them, and we're not talking about consensual snuff or something, I really do not care. However, everybody has a limit somewhere, a personal notion of what they themselves don't even like to ponder. A squick, in short.

I've done things that would probably make a lot of vanilla people's skin crawl, and I know about plenty of other things that I wouldn't do personally but totally understand. Needle play, for instance. Chain flogging. Extreme predicament suspensions. Puppy play. Not my personal kinks, but I understand the spectrum on which these options exist. More pain, more endorphins, more power exchange, more subspace...if that's what you need to get there, I understand. Go forth, puppies and piercers, and do your various things.

But a fetish I personally cannot get behind/past is the furry thing. If you do it, fine. Again, as long as I don't have to watch it. But I admit I do sort of judge. I've read about it, watched stuff, etc. about it...but I don't get it, and it trips my weirdometer into the red zone. I think maybe my brain just isn't wired to understand it. Although the first time I heard about lifestyle D/s I didn't get that (the Master in question was in fact a total asshole with big boundary issues, so I suspect that had a lot to do with it). And look at me now!

So what's yours? I've shown you mine. What's the one fetish or kink that just plain squicks you out, that you can't get past no matter what?


  1. Great post, Delphine! I have a hard time understanding any fetish involving pee/poo. Squick. I once read an incredible erotic romance that shall remain nameless, but the one scene that sticks out in my memory ruined the whole book for me. Basically the Dom Hero made the sub heroine take a dump in front of him to prove her submission. I'm not here to judge. But... squick.

  2. I try very hard when I hear about a new fetish or sexual kink to think about my own wired reactions to the things that turn me on. I remember how many folks would be completely unable to understand the attraction in my kinks. So very little squicks me. I've also learned that over time some kinks can grow on you. Not that I do everything I hear about if it's not my thing. Far from it. But I too draw the line at snuff and a related fetish I heard about called the crush fetish. It involves the attraction to seeing small animals or insects crushed to death. Consensuality is a MUST HAVE for me and there is certainly no consent by the insects or animals targeted in this fetish. I get the frustration that any fetishist might have when others judge their desires and I am sorry. It's not so much judgement for me that others are *squick* in their fetish, as an acknowledgement that even in a tolerant society (which we don't really have) the bottom line must be a call to preserve life.

  3. Oh, I'd forgotten about crush. Yes, that's just disturbing. Bestiality in general, too, strikes me as a case where consent isn't obtainable. And where the humans involved seem to be either anthropomorphizing the object of their affection and attributing the feelings to it that they want it to have, or engaging in an intense self-delusion about their ability to communicate with that creature on its own terms. And hey, even Dr. Doolittle didn't do THAT with the animals.

    I think maybe what that has in common w/ the furry fetish, as I see it, is some possibly clinically significant level of disassociation? Wanting so badly to be "other" that one needs a tangible symbol of that to combat/deny the physical reality of not-otherness? *shrug* Or somethin' psychological-like.

  4. If your hypothesis is correct, Del, I'm not sure being a furry is much worse than being someone with multiple personality disorder. The thing I like about kink is the honesty about choices and I wonder if working through your issues with such a clear symbol like a furry costume isn't better than the confused mess of popping out different personalities at unpredictable times.

    That being said, I really don't want to pathologize a fetish, even the ones I don't relate to. Even the ones I listed as struggling with the most. Labels don't come even close to explaining the mystery that is humanity, or help people all that much anyway. Sometimes that's a scary position to take, and depends on where you stand in your life at the moment, but that's where I am.