|(The Puppy Play pride symbol)|
No, I'm talking about an actual puppy, and not bestiality, either (because folks, that's just wrong, and I will judge you for that). See, in October my family acquired a lovely brindle Boxer/lab mix we call Boomer, and this puppy has required me to step up my toy security game in a big, big way.
|Boomer dominating some rope. |
He clearly has a thing for bondage equipment.
Not that my children are incurious--Lord knows they are into anything and everything--but they've grown up with pretty limited access to my bedroom. They know they really aren't supposed to be in there without a grownup, and so forth. I was lucky enough to think to establish that very early on, so it isn't even so much a rule as just a given.
Unfortunately, puppies don't understand those givens. And Boomer is pretty much in the process of eating...EVERYTHING. Seriously. Puppy world domination through ingestion is his very clear ultimate goal. And I, for one, welcome our new canine Overlord because he's cute, fuzzy and quickly learning how to behave more like a canine minion.
|That strap USED to be padded...|
However, I did not welcome the realization that he'd been sneaking under my bed and gnawing on things he found there. Things that are attached to the legs of the bed and usually cleverly hidden under the bedskirt when not in use. Things that have velcro and buckles and D-rings. Things that weren't exactly cheap. And I'm quite fond of those things. Sadly I have two fewer of them now (well, one's probably still useable, but raggedy and thoroughly infused w/ puppy spit, so I'm not sure how sexy it'd feel to have it wrapped around my wrist or ankle).
|This one only got chewed a little bit.|
But it's still not too sexy :-(
Even better, my first discovery of this new habit of his came on Christmas Eve. When I had a house full of family. And he'd pulled the item in question all the way to the end of its tether--well out from under the bed--so he could chew it up out in the open. No, nobody happened to see it, I got to it first. But they could have.
My puppy almost outed me.
This has prompted me to be more careful to close that door, obviously. But it also made me think about how often my private bedroom practices are influenced by chaotic variables in the environment. Often these are restrictions (having young kids = no Liberator shapes; living in the suburbs = gotta keep the loud stuff to a minimum or the neighbors will look at us funny) but sometimes I think it's a spur to creativity, which is always a welcome thing in the budoir. It makes us work those problem-solving muscles, and helps move us in new directions.
How to keep the tethers and cuffs safe from Boomer's blandishments, but still have them readily accessible? It may mean we finally have to break down and get a proper bed (I want a chunky, modern platform bed with hidden eyehooks installed between the frame and the mattress). Money's tight, and we're handy and crafty folk, so there's the possibility we'll actually build something instead (once I get done with my fabulous steampunk ray gun gauntlet project!). This means we can customize it to meet our particular needs, to a greater extent than would likely be possible with a purchased and modified bed. And that whole building process could even inspire us to think up new...stuff to do.
So ultimately, the fact that the puppy chomped up my cuff could turn out to be a good thing. Unlike the issue of sex toy storage/hiding, which I could basically resolve on my own, this will require my husband and I to work together in finding a solution that could end up affecting our sexytimes in as-yet-unforeseen and potentially delightful ways! Time will tell.
Um...in the meantime, does anybody know where I can buy some cuffs that come pre-infused with Bitter Apple taste?