Thursday, October 14, 2010

BDSM - the perfect romantic fodder


Okay, I admit I posted the above pic just because it's one of my favorites. I've posted it in other places before, but what better site than on a blog devoted to BDSM stories. I'm Michelle Polaris, one of the authors creating tales for our brand new 1-800-Dom-help series collaboration. I write exclusively BDSM erotic romance and have two books out with Ellora's Cave, Bound Odyssey (a futuristic m/m/f menage) and Magician's Chains (a m/m contemporary fantasy).

Although I'm still finishing my story for the 1-800-Dom-help series (as yet unapproved working title Fettered Love), I wanted to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart: how the subject of BDSM is the perfect fodder to use in romance stories. What better way to get at the topics of trust, communication, honesty, and healing of the past psychic wounds of our heroes and heroines than by laying it out there explicitly as is intended in the BDSM scene. When people play with one another in this lifestyle, it is common and highly recommended to explicitly negotiate contracts between play partners about their boundaries, their kink interests, and the limits to activities they will and will not agree to try. This includes situations straddling the cusp of those limits. The issues of power exchange are laid bare between involved parties -- who gives up their power and who takes the power -- in a way that is seldom discussed in vanilla relationships where you'd be a fool to think power was not an issue. The idea that partners must trust one another is blatantly paid tribute in the BDSM world. And the healthy acceptance of the wide spectrum of human sexuality is acknowledged.

I'm also a big believer in the symbolic and cathartic power of playing out scenes involving trust between partners. As a writer I like to develop characters with wounds from childhood. Inevitably this involves betrayal or abandonment or abuse of some time. I know, very dark, but it's the burden of angst I bear. A powerful BDSM scene between protagonists can draw out that pain and act as a corrective force, a healing force. And the scenes are very intense, wrenching the heart. There is a lot of room for characters to demonstrate in the clearest way possible that even when there is pain there can be love, and that trust will not be betrayed.

So if you're looking for light reading fare, you probably don't want my books. But if you marvel at the ways honest, loving relationships can heal the soul in the face of adversity, then check out my past stories and or any of the 1-800-Dom-help stories from our group of talented authors.

And chime in with your opinion about the use of BDSM in romance. What does it mean for you? Certainly it's freakin' hot, all character growth aside.

Safe, sane and consensual folks--

Michelle

7 comments:

  1. Aw, Michelle, all those brains and you can dance, too! *sigh*

    I have to agree with you. I think there's so much necessary sharing in a good BDSM relationship that just never happens in a vanilla one. [ETA: not that it never happens...but that I don't think it's the norm for the sex/expectations to be discussed that deliberately]. It always amazes me that so many people associate it with dysfunctionality, when at its best it is such a great example of truly functional communication and mutual support between partners.

    And as far as a narrative or character development device, of course, it's a perfect way to make external all the internal issues and conflicts the characters may be dealing with. It makes that emotional negotiation explicit. Which, frankly, is darn handy for authors.

    And it's also certainly freakin' hot.

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  2. I think BDSM romance stories have a dual appeal. The "naughtiness" makes the sex that much sexier, but the battle for control and what the characters learn about themselves in the process makes the emotion much deeper than a lot of the erotic romance stories I've read.

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  3. I agree. The potential for self-discovery is great. I happen to think that makes the sex sexier as well because it is automatically imbued with more meaning. If you can see the "romance" forcing the character to grow it seems all that more impactful. Thanks Ari. Great thoughts.

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  4. I think BDSM erotic romance brings an intensity to the relationship that it is sometimes harder to reach in other types of erotic romance. Characters MUST trust each other to a certain extent to begin to play with one another and it raises the stakes immediately. Also, there are issues of whether a person is "out" about being into the lifestyle. That creates another trust issue - can they trust their partner to protect their privacy. There are so many possibilities with this kind of story.

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  5. Del--Damn handy, you're right. And think of all that positive role modeling of good communication BDSM authors are doing for the readership. It's a public service I tell you. How noble we are.

    Francesca--I agree the intensity level and issues of trust are a real boon to a writer. Plus, I'm all about intensity, so it just fits my personality.

    Everyone's comments are great.

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  6. I LOVE that image you posted. Damn he's hot and highly inspirational!

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  7. Thanks Francesca. I'm partial to that image myself. Now if only he was live in my livingroom... (grin)

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